Remember Me This Way

Chapter Twenty Two

It was the last night of the tour, and Nick was nervous. It wasn't so normal, for him to be this on edge. But this night felt different. It was the end of an era, though the fans wouldn't know that just yet. Because of that though, he wanted to give them one last night to remember. And he planned to. He was dressed and had just gotten through with the makeup. He stood just behind the curtain at the stadium in Budokan. He sighed. It was frightening, picturing a life without performing, when he'd done nothing but that since before he'd even joined the Backstreet Boys. It was who he was. Without that, it felt like he didn't need this disease to take his essence away, because he was doing it himself before it could.

There was just something to performing that gave him the biggest rush of a lifetime. Every time it felt like it was the first time. It never was able to get old for him, going out there, playing to the crowd. The crowd screaming in excitement was the biggest high he'd ever been able to find. It was far more addictive than the drugs or the alcohol ever could've dreamed of being. He wanted to kick himself for all those mistakes. He'd wasted so much time. It wasn't till he realized it was all being taken from him to finally quit it all without a look back. There was so much not fair about it.

"Nick?" he heard Brian call, he smiled, coming back to reality. He was waiting with the dancers and the crew, his hair still a faded neon green. Nick grinned, in the past few nights Brian hadn't managed to get it out completely yet.

He headed over, joining the circle. Brian's arm came over his shoulder on his right, and Nick suddenly fought the urge to cry. This was the last time they'd do the prayer circle they'd been doing for the past twenty three years. Nick had always known it couldn't last forever, nothing could. But the end was too soon. AJ's arm wrapped over his shoulder from the left, and Nick swallowed it all back. He could dwell later. Now was the time to enjoy it as much as he could. Until his memories faded away, he knew he'd be holding on to this. He'd told them they could go on without him, but they it touched him that they decided not to. The five of them had an a farewell album they were going to record back home in the States, but this would be the last Backstreet Boys concert any of them would ever do.

"Lord we thank you for our final show..." Brian began. "And we ask we bless those here and help us put on a good show tonight. We ask that you keep us all healthy and happy, and help those who aren't become so. Amen." None of the others noticed it, but he saw Brian's head lift up and meet his gaze a moment before everyone else's.

They all put their hands in. Nick stared at Kevin, a permanent smile upon his face. "Backstreet!" They chanted. The circle of people dispersed. Everyone went off to do their various tasks. All that remained, standing in a circle reminiscent of the early days, were the five members of the group.

It felt right though, having the five of them for the last hurrah. That was part of the surprise. Nick had been able to convince Kevin that on his sole night off, he should join them on stage for the final concert. Even though he'd protested, Nick believed Kevin agreed with him. This was how it should end. As the music started, and the dancers ran out on the stage into place, Nick couldn't help feeling somewhat content amongst the melancholy of it all. If there was a way to go out, as a group in terms of performing, he didn't mind this. This would be the way he'd choose it. The five of them were together again. They were on top.

And despite everything, in that moment, they were happy.

****

"We love you Budokan! That's right, there ain't no party like a Carter party cause a Carter party don't stop!" Nick screamed as after running out on the stage one last time. They already did two encores but he loved the rush so much he didn't want to let it go. He didn't know how he could stop it from being so, but he felt like he needed to hang on to this. He felt an arm grab him, forcing him to finally give up and go backstage.