Remember Me This Way

Chapter Twenty Three

"Nick?" She stared down at him, with the soft doe eyes he once loved more than anything. She held the coffee out to him, with the oddest expression. He really couldn't blame her. What was she supposed to think, him in nothing but boxers, sitting on the toilet holding the phone and looking panicked? Now, granted, he knew she expected him to be odd. Still, this was a new level of strangeness, even for him.

"Hi Lauren." He said once again, at a complete loss for words. He felt like at least if he repeated himself, it would still be better than the silence making everything that much more awkward.

Jesus Nick, come up with something new to say.

"What are you doing?"

He sighed, trying to figure out just how to come out and ask how long he'd been at her place. And if he'd told her why he came. Somehow, he had a feeling she wasn't going to take those questions all that well. Nick took a death breath, standing as he took a sip of the coffee.

"Okay, this is gonna sound weird..."

She raised a brow at him. "I became used to weird from you a long time ago."

Nick nodded, wearing a sheepish grin. "I know, but this is weird even by my standards. So, um...when did I come over? It's just..." He couldn't even finish. How could he explain his actions before even knowing what they were?

"When you came over? Jesus Christ Nick, were you that plastered last night?" She replied, looking hurt as she leaned up against door. A bit of the wife beater she wore rode up, revealing a perfectly tones tummy. He bit his lip, wanting to just take her then and there. It had been awhile, and he knew soon he wouldn't be able to anymore, making it that much more tempting.

So it was last night and I fucking drank. Idiot! You're still on the medication you fucking dumbass! He shouted at himself mentally. He really was trying to quit with all the bad habits, he knew it would do no good. But then, it had probably been a bad few nights. Depression was a constant companion now, making that goal far more difficult than it had once before.

"Look...Lauren..."

She shook her head, walking away. Nick set the coffee aside and walked after her. Despite their breakup, despite their differences, he knew she didn't deserve to be hurt like this. He wasn't sure what had happened, but now he was getting the general idea. Why he'd gone to her place he still had no clue, but maybe it was because he knew she'd still welcome him. In spite of everything.

"I can explain everything!" he called out. Brian was right, he was going to have to tell her and pray she didn't tell the world. It wasn't like her to do that, but he knew what he was doing to her wasn't fair, and that if she did tell, he'd deserved it. Lauren came to a sudden stop, turned towards him with her face contorted with rage.

"I should've known you hadn't changed. You're still doing the same dumb shit. You're still too terrified of any real commitment. I mean God Nick! You show up at my door, and I thought you were just a little buzzed. You tell me you need someone, that no one else gets you, that you missed me all this time... I mean god damn Nick! When the hell are you gonna grow up?!"

He bit his lip. All of that was true, and all it took was some alcohol and Exelon to really bring it out of him. What could he do now? He couldn't say he didn't mean it, that he was too trashed by the combination to control what he was saying. Nick was about to tell her the truth, but now, the truth didn't seem good enough.

"Don't you have anything to say? You said you could explain!"

Nick scoffed with a roll of his eyes. "I can, but you wouldn't believe me anyway."