Remember Me This Way

Chapter Thirty Six

Nick was having one of his better days. A couple weeks after the incident outside of the karaoke bar, he was getting more daily visits from the fellas. He knew why, and he knew what was coming, but for the moment preferred acting oblivious. He wasn't ready for the adult care facilities and had been prepared to fight any who wanted to force that on him. However, all of them had agreed on that, surprisingly enough. At the same time, after what had happened with Howie, they were all a bit wary about the idea of Nick continuing to live alone. Without a solution, it felt like a standstill.

His life was on hold, even if it didn't have anywhere to go these days.

He stepped out on his balcony to take in the view he seldom enjoyed these days. The city looked magnificent before him. He sighed, glancing idly at the easel that was off to the side. It used to be that he would sometimes come out to draw or paint. Nick had always been an artistic soul but it was as if his inspiration was slowly being stolen away from him at the same time as his memories.

"Niiiiiiick..." he could hear Brian's voice call out after him.

He turned away and said nothing. An apology never did come up between them. It had happened however, unspoken, said with the way Brian checked on him, the way Nick was confiding in him once again. He knew Brian would come out there soon enough. For the moment Nick was enjoying his solitude. He used to hate being alone so much. It once annoyed everyone around him to no end. Now he found himself craving it. Because with everyone around, he felt pressured to act "normal". He could feel their eyes constantly on him. He never felt like himself anymore unless he was alone.

"Hey, there you are."

Nick nodded. "Here I am."

He kept his back to his friend, feeling unsociable even in the best of intentions.

"I feel so wanted."

"It's not that you're not..."

"Really?"

Brian walked up beside him, leaning forwards upon the railing. He looked over at Nick. Nick took a good look at his best friend for the first time in a long while. While Brian was now forty-one, it used to be that he never looked his age really, with the exception of his thinning hair. Now Nick could see the lines creeping in his face, the weathered look within his normally jovial blue eyes. There were even the hints of grey along the hairline. That caused his brows to rise just slightly. Brian was always just as fearful as him about going grey and kept it dyed regularly as a result. It was like he had tripped and fallen straight out of his prime and into the beginnings of old age. Age was catching up on all of them.

Is this my fault?

"Nick?"

"No really, I want you here. Everything's just..."

"Difficult."

He nodded. "Right. So when I'm alone, it gets easy again."

Brian nodded, and silence fell between them once again. He reached over for the radio sitting on the small little table next to the chair on the balcony. He turned it on, listening for a moment and smiling. Music still and always would have an effect on him. It always touched him down to the core in ways he'd never be able to explain to those who didn't already understand.

"You shouldn't be alone so much though Nick. You hate being alone, you always did."

"I know, I just don't want you guys always worrying about me."

"Why not, we did before this, we just hid it better."

Nick smirked. "Funny."

"I'm serious."