WHAT COMES AFTER THE END OF THIS

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Yrene's PoV

I became rooted to the spot, my mouth became bone dry and my mind seemed to lose the ability to form coherent, proper words. 

"Ch-chase I-I" I give up, sighing in defeat, dragging both my hands down my face, only then realsing that there is no way I can deny it or move past it without giving him answers. I have never seen Chase as angry as this, his golden eyes had darkened a few shades to an almost black colour and it made me jittery. Not frightened because I know Chase wouldn't do anything to me, well obviously other than yell at me which he was about to in 3....2....1.... Here it goes,

"You what, Yrene? Thought I would never find out, did you? Did you not trust me enough? Answer me goddamit!" 

He screams the last part with fervor and I tremble but the rest he spoke in an unsettling, calm and collected tone. I begin to shake in fear and anger. Anger at how he could think I didn't trust him, how did he not see by now that he was by far someone I trusted the most. The anger took over me in a swift motion, and there was not much I could do in order to stop myself at this point, 

"Chase, what the fuck huh?" I shove him with a force which seems great to me but it does not even make him budge, " I don't trust you? Are you blind Chase? Can you not see how I've put my heart on my shoulder for you?-"

"Then why didn't you tell me Yr? Why?" 

It is the hurt evident in his eyes that snaps something inside of me but he doesn't stop there though,

"What was so hard about it? Why did you have to throw up, Yr, I don't get it. You have no idea how scared I was! I couldn't bear to see you like that!"

"What was so difficult? You have no fucking idea just how difficult it is to open up and talk about this shit! Of how difficult is to stop myself from pushing a finger down my throat and hurlig my guts out! You don't know shit about it, Chase!"

"Then tell me." 

It is a command on its own and I can still not stop the anger running through my veins,

"You wanna know what it's like right? Fine, then I'll tell you, it's like you're suffocating twenty four seven, Chase! Everything goes black, I can't see anyone, hear anything except a voice in my head that keeps on telling me I'm fat and I shouldn't have eaten and now that I have I need to take it out or burn it out. Be it exercise or purging. And this voice keeps on getting louder and louder till I can't hear anything else and till it feels like a physical presence trying to choke me. Until I do its bidding it's a constant state dilemma of wanting it to stop and wanting it to end me already. Does that answer your damn question? Or is there something else you would like for me to say? I didn't want to fucking tell you because no one wants damaged goods, no one likes broken, Chase." 

When I say the last few words my voice cracks and tears begin to cascade down my cheeks like a waterfall. I turn to look away but before I can, Chase pounces at me, taking my face in his hands and kissing away the tears from my cheeks, hugging me to his chest and then kissing me fiercely.

 I am still too shocked to respond at how the moment had escalated so quickly and attempt to push him away, I am still angry but soon the shock wears off and I respond to Chase's heated kiss, attempting to channel all of my anger, my unsaid feelings into the exchange. 

The fireworks begin and the electricity runs through my veins throughout more so when I feel his tongue glide against mine. 

After a fierce make out session which results in Chase's button down being half open from the top and his shirt that I was wearing being almost fully off one of my shoulders, both of us came up for breath at the same time and Chase attaches his forehead to mine, as usual, and his words are nothing but a soft whisper,

"You're beautiful just like this, Yrene. You're perfect. Your body is amazing, you are amazing. Please stop hurting yourself baby. Please. Let me care for you. I promise that from now on I'll take care of you no matter the consequences, I'll keep an eye on what you eat, everything, I'll do it dammit." 

"Chase..." I shake my head at him, indicating that he does not need to do this for me.

"No, I won't listen to anything you'll say Yrene. No ifs and buts, I've said what I've said, you'll eat with me, in front of me."

"That's  impractical Chase. It's not possible. You don't get what it's like."

He holds my hands in a tight grip,

"Then tell me. Why did you start all of this?"

"I told you already Chase, my mother wants me to have a perfect figure and I kind of want that too, I've been bullied so much in the past for not being skinny and now that I finally am I can't go back to how it used to be. I'm tired Chase." I tell him honestly; I actually am tired, I cannot go back to how it used to be.

The way he kisses my forehead is confirmation enough that he understands me and that there's no need for me to explain myself further. 

I stayed with him for a while longer before deciding that it is time to go back home, or to the house my family refers to as home, rather.  I decide to drop by at Katie's first, give my friends a heads up on the situation and then go back.

I stand at the door,

"So am I out of your system?"

"Yrene, to be honest I don't even know anymore. I think I need more time with you but I don't want to jeopardise you or your education in any way whatsoever."

"The feeling is mutual." And he knows that I do not only mean the feeling of not wanting to jeopardise him being mutual, but the real feeling of him still not being out my system.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school then?"

"Sure. Then I'll tell you something else, something important, like I really need to tell you this."

"We can talk right now you know, or on our way to your friend's house."

"Chase this weekend with you has been amazing I don't want to ruin it."

"It's that bad?"

"Oh honey, you have no idea just how bad it is." 

"You're killing me from the inside, Yrene Jones."

"And what I have to tell you is killing me, Chase." 

I swiftly kiss his warm and soft lips before walking towards his garage with him in tow.