WHAT COMES AFTER THE END OF THIS

Chapter 76

Chapter 76

Yrene's PoV

After the session with miss Rebecca, I had decided to go for a long night walk but as things had gone the walk had turned into a very, very, long walk. Somewhere in the distance a clock struck the stroke of midnight and only then did I turn on my phone; fifteen missed calls and a hundred plus messages bombarded my home screen, all from the stooges at home. Way to go, Yrene! Now you've worried them! My subconscious, as it seems, never fails to strike at me. I send them all a broadcast text message letting them know that I am okay and that I'll be home within an hour to which I am greeted by a hundred other texts, filled with all form of British profanities one can think of.

I find a bench and fish out a cigarette from my coat pocket; Miss Rebecca had allowed me one cigarette per day today before totally weaning me off of it because otherwise I was almost experiencing withdrawal symptoms and what one could call: separation anxiety. Placing the death stick between my ruby painted lips I flick it on with my lighter, exhaling slowly, I instantly relax. To make the cigarette last for a longer while, I take long yet slow drags; I feel at peace. As I decide it's time for me to make my way home, I throw the cigarette butt to the ground and stub it with the heel of my boot, and with that I stub the past.
~*~
"Where were you?"
"Out."
"What the fuck do you mean by 'out', Yrene?" Raymond is clenching his teeth to the point where I feel like they will break.
"Brother, if you haven't noticed already, fucking newsflash," I wave my hands around, "I live alone! I'm not used to being questioned or looked out for if I return home late at night!"
"That's not the point! You had us worried sick!"
"Well, here I am, so let's fucking forget it already okay!?"
I unbundle myself from my coat and hang it on the rack beside the door and no dinner do I do that than I am engulfed in large, masculine arms; Bear.

"Thank God you're okay!"
"Yeah thank God." I mutter under my breath, hugging him back.
"Wait..." Bear pulls me into a room to the side immediately.
"What now?"
"Have you been smoking?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I thought you stopped with that bullshit, Yr!"
"I'm allowed one cigarette per day or otherwise I feel separation anxiety and mild withdrawal symptoms." I look down towards my feet, embarrassed of the kind of life I lead.
Ever the supportive brother he is, he lifts my chin up,
"Hey, doll face, it's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed about, rather it's a matter to be proud of; you've come so far, and that is what matters most, you're almost more than almost halfway there, Yr; be proud of yourself. I was just a little concerned when I smelt it on you."
"Yeah, I know. Don't worry though, I don't smoke more than one."
"I know and I am very very proud of you for that, sister." He opens his arms wide again and I jump into them. These people, this apartment, this city, it was home, it was peace and it was my solace. 
~*~
Chase's PoV
I woke up to my love's face smiling up at me from my lock screen. I know I had wanted to move on from her, start a new life but it was very very difficult considering she was all that I could think of; being far away from her had only made me want her with an intensity that was increasing exponentially. I unlocked my phone and as per routine answered the important texts from work and replied to the emails before even brushing my teeth.

I sat at my kitchen island, my phone facing upwards and occasionally it would light up with a text from someone, bringing into view a picture of my Yrene, that I had not been man enough to remove as my wallpaper. She had looked beautiful that day: her long mane of jet black hair in a curled mass that framed her face perfectly, blue eyes blazing like the priciest sapphires having been brought out more by the pure pink lace shirt, and her lips painted in a nude shade. Beautiful. That's what my princess was and everyone knew that but her. This screensaver was the reason behind my two failed attempts to date in the past month or so. Two women had asked me out and the moment my phone lit up with an incoming text, they had left after finding out that the girl in the picture was ,indeed, not my sister. One had left after dinner and the other after she had unbuttoned my shirt while her's lay on the hardwood floor... Now, I am not proud to say it but I didn't even quite remember their names or even how they looked except that they had been attractive but the only name and face I remembered was the one I hadn't forgotten since the day our eyes first met. Yrene, Yrene and Yrene, other than work this was the only thing that made rounds in my mind. I could not stop loving her. And to be honest I couldn't even bring myself to think of any other women.

All day I'd drown myself in work and then spend the nights imagining what it would feel like to hold her against me as she'd tell me stories about her day. But if she didn't hate me before she very well hated me now; I had left her without saying goodbye and maybe for that she'd never forgive me; hell, even I couldn't forgive myself.
~*~

Yrene's PoV

The couples had their own rooms and Bear had wanted to sleep in the living room which meant that I had my own bedroom to myself. I walked into my closet and pulled out the grey button down Chase had given me, after inhaling the smell that reminded me of safety and other good things, I pushed it to the back end the same way I and panes thoughts of him to the back of my mind. Instead going for one of Jason's round neck t shirts, and slipping it on, I moved towards my bed.
~*~
"Yeah, I'll miss you guys too." I sniffle, wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve.
"Hey, don't cry, we'll come back soon."
"Promise me!"
"Promise."
Nodding into Ray's shoulder I finally pulled away, walking over to Ross.
"Bye bye, lizard."
"Asshole."
He ruffles my hair and kisses my head the same way Joss did.

"Bye Care Bear, I'm going to miss you a lot."
"Me too, dolly, me too, c'mere."
I walk into his burly arms, kissing his cheek while sobbing uncontrollably into his Armani shirt.
"Take care of yourself, okay? It'll be okay. Everything will be okay and never forget how proud you've made us, Nini. Never forget that. And as for Jason, he lives here," he points directly at my heart, "and he's watching over you, over all of us and I can guarantee you that he too is very very proud of you, and happy for you. Yes, Yr, he wants you to be happy so stop crying if you don't want to hurt him."
He was right. As always.
"You're right."
"Great, so then no more," he wipes away my tears,"crying; even at night."
I nod and give him a sheepish smile.
"Okay."
"I love you."
"Aw, I love you too, Beary."

I hated goodbyes. I would always hate them.
~*~

The two weeks we had all been together had gone by in a blur and it almost seemed like it had never happened. Winter was in full swing now and all the cute outfits I had wanted to wear to class were hidden beneath layers of wind protective clothing; no one got to see the cute Michael Kors flats shirt I was wearing or the brand new Hermes sweater either, all that I had gotten from Ray and Mishy for my birthday, two days ago and a day before they left. We had kept the celebrations minimal, just a cake, candles and some champagne. Even for me. At the rehab centre they had all pooled in to get me this vintage Polaroid camera that I had wanted and the others at home had all given me typical rich people stuff, from jewellery to branded socks. The Dawfiled's had couriered Jason's diary to me with a note that read,
"Dear Yrene,
            Happy birthday. This is Jason's diary and we think that there's no better birthday present to give you than this. We love you very much and to have you as our daughter would have been a dream come true but who can go against the will of God. Have the greatest day ever.
Love,
Mr and Mrs. Dawfield."

Even though the note had been brief and to the point what mattered was the sentiment behind it and the whole night I sat up and went through the diary, literally crying my eyes out over it; the sketches were immaculate and the things he had written about me made the love I felt for him increase exponentially. I read though the excerpts and it still amazed how he had kept his feelings in and how he remembered each and every detail about me: what I liked, what I disliked, the way I acted in different situations and why I acted the way I did. It was all too much until Ross had come in with Bear and they had both sat me down and explained to me that Jason was in a better place and wanted me to be happy. It was tough to accept, very tough but I wanted to believe them' I needed to believe them so that I could move on. And that was what I did. I came to terms with it. No, that's a lie, I only momentarily forgot about him by busying myself with other tasks and still felt like I couldn't go out with anyone else and luckily the guys who had asked me out, understood this. 
~*~
Chase's PoV

It was her birthday and it had killed me to have not been able to wish her. I had seen pictures of her that Bear had sent and it would be an understatement to say that she looked more beautiful than ever, she even looked happy. It cannot be said for most but black really was her colour, the mesh and net shirt that she had opted for suited her brilliantly, her lips painted in that same shade that I loved on her. That night, just like countless other nights, I cried myself to sleep. I missed her so much I couldn't breathe. But now there was no going back, was there?

Short filler chapter y'all! Enjoy!