WHAT COMES AFTER THE END OF THIS

Chapter 82

Chapter 82

Yrene's PoV

"I beg your pardon?"
"Eat up. We'll discuss it later."
He dropped his fork and knife and looked at me with a worried expression.
"Is something wrong."
"Very."
"Then we should talk about it now."
"It can wait. Please, eat." In all honesty, I was trying to gather the courage to confront him about the problem at hand and admittedly it was proving to be very difficult. He didn't press the matter any further, it was as if he was afraid of me. We ate our respective breakfasts in silence and I put the dishes in the dishwasher and told him to wait in the living room for me. He followed my directions to the word and I found him standing by the front to ceiling window of the living room.

"Is it me? Have I done something unknowingly?"
I was silent as I searched for the right words but instead of speaking I walked in his direction as he stared at me with doleful and questioning eyes. I took his hand in mine and turned it so that his open palm faced me, I brought it to my lips as brine stung my eyes.
"Chase..."
"Yrene?" He questioned me with an indecipherable look caged within those honey and molten gold orbs.
"Why?" My question was not much more than a breath of air.
"Why what?" He joined our foreheads together and I closed my eyes tightly so that a tear escaped but he caught it before it could cascade down my cheek any further. I took a shuddering breath and lowered his hand so that both our gazes focused on it.
"This." I slowly pulled the sleeve of his shirt up and his face went deathly pale.

"It's nothing."
I was beginning to lose my patience and I realised just how much Chase had been irritated when he had questioned me initially.
"Stop fucking with me, Chasey. What is it? Why is it?" I was almost at the point of begging him for these much needed answers.
"Yrene..."
"Talk to me, Chasey. Tell me. Only then can we move on to discussing us."
"Nene, trust me it's nothing. Whatever it was, it won't happen again, there's not much reason for it anyways, now that I've got you." He gave me a breathtaking smile but I wasn't in the mood for a guessing game, I hated being kept in the dark.

"No, Chas, tell me. Answer my question. What is this? Huh? You're such a hypocrite, telling me to not do this stuff and then going on ahead to do it to yourself. Why?"
"Let's sit down."
I nodded and he plopped down on one of the maroon armchairs on the raised platform by the window, pulling me into his lap. I slung my legs over his and leaned against the arm as he sighed heavily.
"Well, umm, it started quite soon after I left to be honest. I missed you so much and knowing how much I hurt you by leaving like that made me want to kill myself, so I tried to hurt myself equally as much although I could never reach pain of that level. I found a little bit of solace, as much as I possibly could in this- self harm. I'd stick the blade into my skin and pull it downwards every time I remembered the hurt and pain I caused you, the weight of having broken my promise to Jason resting heavily on my shoulders. I would drink from dusk till dawn, ending up in places I'd never been to before, in women's beds that I hadn't remembered ever meeting. I was in a very dark place Yrene."

Hot tears were flowing down my cheeks freely as I heard him speak about what he had been through because I could relate to it to a certain extent and because he had been through all of it, so much pain and hurt and I had been a major reason for his suffering.

"I didn't realise it but slowly I became addicted to the pain, at times I would faint from it, an pd at times from the pain in my heart that refused to dissolve no matter what I did."

He was in tears as well but I held his face in my hands and wiped away the tears under his eyes,
"You're so strong Chase, so fucking strong. I can't even tell you. And I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for being the source of your pain for so long, for putting you in such a place where you felt yourself sinking deeper every second. Forgive me."
"Yr, baby, no... It wasn't your fault it was mine, I was a weak man. I should have been stronger, should have been able to handle your rejection but I didn't, I couldn't."
"You're not weak , Chase. Loving someone unconditionally doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger than ever and you're strong. So very strong."