WHAT COMES AFTER THE END OF THIS

Chapter 68

Chapter 68

Yrene's PoV

"So, tell me about what went down with Chase; you looked quite troubled when you came back."
"I don't know how to say this."
"Hey," he takes a hold of my shaking hand, gripping it tightly, "it's just me. And you know you can tell me everything."
Nodding, I brush a loose strand of my hair away from my face and look at my brother,
"Well, he kind of indirectly asked me out; told me he loved me, had loved me for as long as he could remember and he was so invested in his love for me that Nicole, his girlfriend, well now ex girlfriend, saw right through the facade he was using to cover himself and parted ways with him as friends."
"That's great Nene!" I was taken aback by his overzealous joy at my evident form of misery and before I can reprimand him he continues, "What did you say?"
"What do you expect me to have said? Of course, I told him no!"
"And why in the name of God would you do such a thing?" He questioned and I bit my tongue from saying something along the lines of 'what God?', only then remembering the real reason behind the conversation.
"Why would I say that? Well, brother, let me remind you that he literally broke my heart once and who is to say he won't do it again? Feelings aren't supposed to be that futile and I'm sure if I hadn't been given the infinite amount of love from Jason ands given him the same amount in return I would have fucking died from the pain he made me feel!" His eyes wander a little before finding a spot on my carpet and focusing on it as I whisper the next part, "besides I'm not ready yet and I fear that I might perhaps will never be." His gaze finds its way back to my face and he looks directly into my eyes as he takes me by the shoulders,
"Yrene, there's nothing more than I want than for you to be happy and you deserve this, sweetheart, this second chance at love; you deserve it more than anyone."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Besides, I am leaving soon anyways and I don't think how it will ever work between us, especially since I don't plan on returning, at least not anytime soon." I see him shrink at my last words and I give him an apologetic smile,
"Hey, Rossy," I take ahold of his face causing his pale blue eyes to meet my dark blue ones, " I know we've never been far from each other and that too for such a long time period, but buddy, I need to do this for not anyone else, but for me; for Jason and I and the love we had. Actually, in fact, this  is more for us and what we once were than me only for me, even." He grips my hand understandingly and the dejected expression on his face softens and by the look of admiration in his eyes, I know he is not faking the rest of what he says.
"I am so very very proud of you baby sister. So damn proud, you don't even know! And I won't ever stop you from doing whatever you need to do. Ever." He hugs me and kisses the top of my head and I lean into him a little more, sniffling.
"I love you so much, big brother, I'll miss you the most."
"You sure about that?" He questions and I almost smack his arm for saying that but then he adds, "Sissy, Bear will kill you for having uttered those words." He raises his eyebrows at me and only then do I remember that I had promised to meet up with him and spend some 'quality sibling time' with him.
"Yeah, Bear..." I drag on, lost in thoughts as I think of my self adopted older brother, the craziest English teacher, the best one nonetheless and a literal whining baby when he doesn't get his way.
"I'll miss him. A lot." I reply, deep in thoughts, revelling in the brilliant times we have had.
"I know you will monster."
We sit there like that for some time before he speaks again, angering me a little,
"Yrene, please try to give Chase a chance. For me."
"Ross, I've said it once and I'll say it again: I'm not ready. Not now and probably not ever."
"Sweetie, I know that and I also know that Chase will wait for you. He will always wait for you; I figured out that much when he saved you." He says and looks away as if the memory pains him. But my thoughts are elsewhere; saved me? Chase, saved me? How? Why? And why had no one ever spoken of this to me? Well, I knew we all refrained from the topic but only then did it hit me that I had never asked who had brought me out of my room. And now I knew.
"Chase? How?"
"I knew he loved you still, like even when he was dating Nicole, I knew he only really ever loved and judging by what you told me I know for a fact that whatever you had was real. But that's something else, anyways, I didn't know who else to call so in my panic I called him up and within record time he was here. He was the only one who was able to figure out your passcode, and that's when I knew that his attention to the details, your details was proof that his love was unmatched and undying. He loved you even when he knew you didn't love him anymore, even when you were so deeply in love with someone else and that is in so many ways the reflection of the way Jason loved you." He shook his head at the idea of me trying to protest as soon as I had  inhaled a deep breath just to do so. "Don't fight me on this," he held up his long fingered slender hand, "it's the truth and everyone can see it." Right. Everyone could see this one too but me, the same way everyone knew Jason loved me but I didn't. Great. Just great.
"Ross... I don't know man. I'm not ready and that's all I can say. Some day, maybe, this will all be fine." I say, not meaning it in the moment qbut knowing deep inside that it was the truth.
"So rest your head and go to sleep and maybe one day we'll wake up and this'll all just just be a dream." He adds on and I look away from him, wiping the tears away from my eyes with the heels of my palms.
"This was your favourite song, wasn't it?"
I nod mutely.
"Jason used to sing it to you all the time, not only when you started going out with him but even before, didn't he?"
Lost in my own world I nod again, not even thinking about the fact how so easily Ross had mentioned Eminem in front of me and in that one moment I realised that sooner or later, people's regard for my grief and feelings would soon be lost and yet I could live my life, would have to live my life. Life goes on, even when people don't. It goes on even when you lose your path and even when you lose your guide. It goes on even when you think it has stopped. Your heart may stop and yet life does not. I had learnt that much from this short encounter and it had exhausted me. After our prolonged, comfortable and yet somewhat tense silence Ross gets up to leave.
"Come, let's have dinner."
I don't even try to protest, after all this is what I am going to get help for; better to start now than later. I follow him out of my room to the dinner table where my parents are unable to hide their shock at seeing me enter to eat.
"I should be the one surprised to see both of you seated at this table, not you; considering you're barely around the whole year."
If they hate the way I'm talking to them right now they don't mention it and they refrain from giving any more astounded expressions as I sit on the right side with Ross, opposite Mishy and Ray. The only indication that they are aware of the fact that I am helping myself to some baked potato is my father's proud smile and a certain unidentifiable gleam in my mother's eyes. Raymond gives me one of his handsome smiles and Mishy looks at me with a proud gleam in her eyes. I mask being overwhelmed with a nervous smile of my own as I dig into the delicacy and almost moan aloud from the taste that is tantalising my tastebuds; I gorge down the entire plate and just when I'm about to take another helping, a guilty, nagging feeling in my stomach stops me and I look down at my feet. After an internal war, deciding between taking another helping or not taking it, I finally get up from my seat; done with dinner.

Upstairs in my room, my breathing constricts, tears line my eyes and that tiny voice in my head continues to call me the names that I have been called since junior school by Rebecca and the rest. It calls me a horrendous cow, an ugly toad and other much worse things but I grit my teeth through it; I'm not going to do it, I will not purge; not today. My tired heart and still slightly rumbling stomach beg my raging mind to let me be but the bastard is ruthless. Unwillingly, my feet drag me across the expanse of my room to my bathroom, where I kneel by the white, porcelain toilet bowl and just when I'm about to stick my fingers down my throat, Jason's face, angry and disappointed flashes in front of my tears eyes before being replaced by Chase's, who sports a similar expression and my family's words of being proud ring loudly in my ears. Somehow, after giving it all my strength and willpower, I pull myself away from the toilet bowl, leaning my back against my bathtub. Crying. Exhausted.
~*~
Chase's PoV

When she left my house I decided that I would wait for her, even if that meant waiting forever because even forever seemed like a short time if it meant having her,holding her, loving her. Although, hearing her words had cracked my heart in half I knew I deserved it for I too, had beaten her battered heart black and blue. She didn't understand now that I had let her go for her; so that she could grow and flourish and love without a care in the world. Ironic, as now I, myself, was willing to risk it all for her, willing to love her without a care in the world.