WHAT COMES AFTER THE END OF THIS

Chapter 64

Chapter 64

Chase's PoV

My nights were restless and days even worse than that; I would see her and yet not be able to say anything to her for she wouldn't listen; never before had I been so close to someone and still so far away. My heart aches for her and every time I saw her gaunt form my heart broke into a million pieces from the hurt it delivered. The redness in her eyes told me she had gone back to smoking and this time I couldn't even stop her; she was so broken that if the threat of Bear knowing about her materialised she would sit back and take with a straight face and that alone was enough to break me. How could life be so cruel to someone as soft and delicate as her? How could continue to break her over and over again till she was trashed beyond repair. I longed to hold her close to me, to tell her it would all be fine, that she would make it through, that I would help her make it through. But I couldn't. Especially now that it was summer break and she had drifted further away from me as possible. I sat alone in my lounge thinking of who was taking care of her appetite now, who was checking her wrists for new scars, her drawers for packets of cigarettes. All in all, I still knew that I was perhaps the only one who she would still listen to, be able to trust, even if not as a lover as a friend. I knew that deep down there was still a person worth saving, a person that could be saved, a person that longed to be safe. But how would I get to that person beneath those layers of self hate and thousands of folds of sorrow?
~*~

Yrene's PoV

I steeled my nerves as I drove Ross's Porsche through the streets and parked into the parking lot. I sat there staring through the windshield for what seems like an eternity; trying to convince myself that I could do it. No, I had to do it. I owed it to the asshole. The asshole who had changed my perspective of the world, no matter for how brief a time it had been. He had showed me what love ought to be; how one should be loved. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I jumped out of the car and made my way through the menacing wrought iron gates of the cemetery. My hands brushed the stone headstones as I read the names inscribed within them, looking for Jason's. My breath clogged in my throat as my heart beat erratically against my ribs as my eyes fell upon his headstone; the enormity of the whole scenario dawning on me with the intensity of being pelted with a thousand stones per second. Suddenly I felt weak; weaker than I had ever been. I lost track of the drops that fell down my face as they were always replaced by fresh new ones.
"Jason!" I screamed, "How dare you? How dare you leave me alone? Huh? I hate you!" I stomped my feet angrily near the newly made grave, "I fucking hate you, you bastard! I'll never forgive you for this!" I cried like a hopeless lunatic. "You broke me Jason! You promised you'd never do that, but you did! You fucking did it! You've mad me cry more than anyone else ever has you asshole!" I cried harder than ever, giving up all restrain. "Why, Jason?" And even when I thought I sounded strong, my voice came out as pained whisper, "Why?" I slid down, my head resting on the granite stone. "Why?" I kept on repeating and I don't know what I had expected but there was no reply. My Jason hadn't given me an answer. Why could God give us more time? There was so much we had yet to share, to experience and it had all been snatched away from my grasp within a matter of seconds. For hours I sat there, resting against his headstone,
"Mishy huh? She's expecting. You knew that. She told Ross and I yesterday when we were busy crying about your lousy ass, man! I'm happy for her, I am but I don't even know how to express it anymore. She said you were super excited about it... Were you? Of course you were! You've always wanted to be an uncle and spoil kids, haven't you? Always wanted kids of your own." Shaking my head as if it would clear away the memories that I cherished so fondly, I continued telling him about how my life had gone since he had left me; downhill. The sun sank and the stars came out but my tears still hadn't dried away as I got up to leave.
"Bye Jason. I love you. Forever. I don't wanna fucking leave you, Jay! I miss you asshole."
I kissed his tombstone goodby before getting up and whispering,
"I don't wanna do this anymore Jay. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything; people leaving, people trampling on me, pity. I just want out. And I'll get it."
This being said I made my way to Ross's car and went back home; it was near midnight. As soon as the door opened I was faced with an angry looking Raymond and worried looking parents as well as a Ross and Michele who were currently engulfing me in a bone crushing hug.
"Where were you? We were so worried for you, Yrene."
"I'm fine Ray. There is nothing to worry about, look at me," I twirled around, "I'm all fine, and in one piece." Even as I said the words they left a bitter taste in my mouth as Ray's fell open and my mother clutched her heart.
"Don't say stuff like that Yrene!"
"What do you care, Mother?" I questioned, venom lacing my words.
"I am your mother!"
"What a revelation!" I called my hands mockingly before hiking up the stairs and walking into my room and as soon as I reached I locked the door and slid down its mahogany panels; crying feverishly. Seeing Jason's grave had made the pain of having lost him seem all the more real, I thought, as I crawled to my bed and from under it pulled out a bottle of vodka. Uncorking it, I attached my lips to the mouth downing a little less then half of it in one sip, despite the how it burnt my throat. In a little over fifteen minutes I had drunk the entirety of the glass bottle that had fallen from my limp hands a few seconds prior; picking up another bottle I downed that one too before feeling lightheaded and crawling to my bathroom and throwing up in the bowl. With my head spinning due to thoughts of Jason and his voice in my ears I hugged my knees to my chest as I rocked back and forth, willing my mind to stop its torture of remembrance. Lighting a cigarette I lay back in my ceramic bathtub. I knew I was wasted but I had no idea how wasted I really was; clearly, wasted enough to have forgotten the date after twelve a.m. After resting my throbbing head for a while and having realised that it was no use and that there was only one way to make it stop, I got up and walked to the drawers. Pulling out my blade I drove it into my skin and no sooner had I done this than a my phone screen lit up with a reminder; it was five a.m, sixth August; Jason's birthday. Shit! Shit! Shit! How could I have forgotten it was his birthday? Finding it no use crying or panicking considering he was gone, I went back inside my room looking for another bottle but I didn't find any; all this while the blade was driving deeper and deeper into my skin. Blood; red, hot and metallic rolled down my arms in long streaks but I didn't stop there; couldn't bring myself to stop there. I sliced it through my veins till I started seeing white spots, vision blurry. Blurry soon turned into black and Jason's perfect face and crooked smile flashed in front of my eyes and when I reached out to touch him, he disappeared. Gone were the green eyes I loved so hopelessly, gone the smile I wanted to kiss, gone was the player I had fallen head over heels for. My bedroom clock ticked on and I could feel the blood gushing out of the skin I had split; it caused a numbness, a numbness I was thankful, a numbness that would take me to Jason. Amidst the black I saw white light flash, light that turned into Jason's face, only this time he wasn't smiling, he was angry, his features contorted with raw hatred.
"What have you done Yrene?"
"What do you mean," I reached for him again but he backed away, "i did it for us. We can finally be together." I tried to smile but the anger in his eyes intensified.
"Us? Are you mad?" His voice was loud and I was partially wondering why no one else could hear him, "I am dead, Yrene! You're not! I wanted you to live, for both of us! I wanted you to live my life too! To experience things! I didn't want to die, I wanted to live! I wanted to live with you forever and now look at what you've done! I wanted to make you ant to live, Yr! I hate the fact that I am not alive but you on the other hand.... You should have been grateful." He shook his head; disappointed in me and when I tried to speak no words came out and the whole world slipped from my vision; the blackness had returned with full force as the blade fell from my limp hands and the blood continued to stain my white rug the deepest shade of Crimson. It was too late. I could do nothing. I tried to pry open my eyes but they wouldn't; I was in too far deep and there was no coming out. Darkness enveloped me like a blanket and my eyes closed unaware of the pounding at my door. A part of me begged someone to save me but the other, already dead part, wondered if there was a person inside me that was still worth saving.