The Donor

Chapter 5

“Dinah, hurry the fudge up!” I scream at Dinah from the living room, putting on my other sandal.

“Now, now, Mila. Me getting ready quicker won’t rush along Lauren getting here so shut the ish up dude,” she shouts back, punctuating her sentence with an increased volume.

Emelia and Khiara look up at me with wide eyes, holding their beach toys in their hands. We had arranged with Lauren to go to the beach today, the Sunday after the Emelia finished school, and the girls are very excited. Of course they were excited about going to the beach but both girls also wanted to spend time with Lauren. Since she and Emelia met, all Khiara had heard from the girl was how amazing her other mum was and she too was eager to spend time with the older woman.

I had double-checked with Lauren a few times since Friday if she was really ok about going to the beach. I hadn’t mentioned to her why I think she was uncomfortable with the situation because I didn’t want to heighten her discomfort, she having to explain her condition or me being wrong about the situation. Though I know I wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t lie and say that I hadn’t thought about her condition because I had, more so out of curiosity. I don’t know what to expect. I hope she feels comfortable enough with me one day to share details about it but I know that’s unlikely. So I’ve had to settle with thinking about it. Other than curiosity and intrigue, it doesn’t make me feel much else, neither disgust nor excitement. I just don’t what to think.

“Mummy, Lauren’s here!” I hear Khiara shout out to Dinah, the two youngest girls looking out the window to see Lauren pull up. I know she’s going to be nervous about today so I’m going to try and make her as comfortable as possible. I don’t know how I’m going to that but I’m going to try.

Two hours later and the five of us had arrived at the beach. Lauren had driven all the way despite me offering to drive half of the way. I had been wedged between the two car seats in the back after Dinah couldn’t fit her butt into the middle seat. Instead, Dinah had occupied the passenger seat alongside Lauren who had remained mostly silent along the way. The most words she really said was answering Dinah or the girls’ questions, offering to stop at the services and asking Emelia if she had felt sick, despite giving her the car sickness sweets when she first pulled up outside of the apartment.

Khiara had taken one of my hands while Emelia grabbed Lauren’s and pulled the both of us toward the beach from the carpark, knowing not to run off; leaving Dinah to grab all of their beach toys (something she definitely wasn’t happy about).

We placed the beach towels a fair distance away from the sea, close enough for the girls to run to and from the sea to collect water for their sandcastles, but not close enough for Dinah who complained about the “long walk” when she had to accompany the girls each time. We had come equipped with drinks, food, sunscreen and everyone was happy. Especially Lauren.

At first she was pretty hesitant about being here. Once we had settled our things down, Dinah had stripped off her clothes, winding up in just a bikini while everyone else on the beach was in the same attire. Bar Camila and of course Lauren. I waited a while until I stripped down into my bikini because I didn’t want to make Lauren feel uncomfortable and well, I wasn’t quite ready for Lauren, a practical stranger, to see me in such little clothing. Strangers on the beach I was fine with because hell, I’m never going to see them again anyway. But near to everyone is self-conscious with at least one thing about themselves. I am self-conscious about pretty much everything. Stripping down in front of strangers is hard but most of the time, you get over it. Stripping down in front of someone who could potentially become a huge part in your life is quite daunting, mainly because what they think of you becomes something of significance. I definitely care about what Lauren thinks of me. Most of me believes that she would never judge someone based on physical appearance anyway because of the great extent to which she judges herself. But try telling my insecurities that. Eventually I realised my insecurities are nothing in comparison to what Lauren has shown toward herself. After some prodding from Dinah, I finally plucked up the courage to undress, trying to go unnoticed by Lauren which Dinah revealed had failed.