Salient Secret 2

48

Kai

I'd be lying if I said I didn't doubt her love for me in that moment, but it was only for a split second, all my doubts went away when she smiled and kissed me passionately, unfortunately we were interrupted by Rik calling us to the training room. 

I know she has been through a lot and God knows she will go through even more when she realizes that it's impossible to resurrect her mother. It's going to crush her, Tanith explained to me how there is no spiritual plain where souls roam, therefore she can't reattach her mothers to her body. However, we agreed not to tell her yet, did you see how she reacted the first time? I have never seen a version of her so heartless and angry. This kind of grief could destroy her in the battlefield, she'll be completely blinded by her emotions. Right now she is clinging to hope, it's these little white lies that can be the difference between life and death. If it were any other fight, I'd risk it, but it's not only our lives at stake here, it's the entire worlds.

The only people that know is Palmer, Enzo, Tanith and I, but I'm pretty sure the others figured it out, Vada is just in denial, which is why she can't see it. Looking at her right now, she almost looks happy, I wish there was a way I could make it all okay for her.

"KAI!" Imelda shouts, she looks concerned, I must've zoned out, oops. 

"What?" 

"You're up," she says referring to the simulation. "...against Rik." 

We're all trying to adapt to fighting on ticking bombs, which is the Xendorite ground, aka the simulation beeps red and makes the most annoying sound when you step on or too close to a landmine. As Palmer put it, it's like a chess board, and we have to fight each other whilst stepping only on the white blocks. It's difficult, but if we master it, we will have a huge advantage. 

*****

After hours of training, I am sweating all over and exhausted. I pick up my water bottle and a thought pops into my head, 'how are we going to lure Cynthia to Xendorite, and even if we do, what makes us think that she doesn't know all about the landmines?' She has been around for 200 years, I'm more than certain that she has heard of the abandoned realm. 

"I am a horrible person," Tanith says staring into space while standing next to me. 

"Why? What happened?" I ask. 

"She is planning a 'safe' life for her mother for when she comes back," she says, the guilt in her voice is no secret. "How are we going to get her to postpone this until after the fight???"

"I don't know, maybe we should just tell her now," I suggest. 

"Absolutely not," Imelda says now standing on the other side of me. 

"You know?" I ask. 

"Of course I know," she responds.

"I know too," Rik says standing next to Imelda. 

"So everyone knows????" I ask annoyed, this wasn't supposed to be a communal secret. 

"Cassian doesn't," Rik answers like that makes everyone else knowing okay. 

"And he can never know, he will tell her without a doubt," Imelda adds. 

"Maybe we should," I say again. 

"NO!" they all say in unison. 

"We cannot tell her under any circumstances, she isn't stable enough for that," Tanith says. 

"Stable enough? Do you hear yourselves???" I say. "She isn't some wet piece of paper bound to tear, she has just lost her mother. She is a warrior princess who just lost her queen, she is allowed to grieve-" 

"She doesn't just cry at the graveyard Kai," Imelda argues, "She kills recklessly, I have never ever seen her that way before, and I sure as hell know that her being that way when going up against Cynthia is a huge risk, she won't be able to fight like the-"

"Like the what?" we all swing around when we hear Vada's broken voice come from behind us. 

"How long have you been standing there?" Imelda asks. 

"Long enough to know that my mom is never coming back," she says with a straight face, which is scaring the shit out of me. "You lied to me," she says looking directly at Tanith. "You all lied to me."

"Vada-"

"No I get it, I heard your excuses. You all care more about having your best soldier at 100% and having me cling on to false hope than to just tell me the damn truth," she says starting to get angry. 

"It isn't like that V," Imelda says.

"Then please, go ahead and explain to me what it was like," she says walking towards us. 

Imelda starts talking, "You went on a killing spree and then acted like nothing happened-" 

"Like nothing happened?" she says taking the glass of whiskey out of Imelda's hands, "She killed my mom!" she throws the glass across the room. "The only reason I regret killing those people is because now she has the rest of my family. My mom is dead," she says flatly. "But if she kills the others, I will, without a doubt, go on another killing spree, and you liars ought to run," I can see why Tanith felt like a horrible person. "So don't you worry about whether I'll be at my best when it's time to fight her, because I will. And not because I want to prove something to you guys or because I'm trying to seem okay but because I am fighting for the lives of three extremely important people to me," she says in monotone, which is by far the most nerve wrecking part of this whole encounter.  

She turns around and walks away with zero expression on her face, instinctively, I follow her and grab her arm when she doesn't stop after I say her name. 

"Don't," she says and teleports away, for a split second I saw her face, she had tears running down her rosy cheeks, and the tip of her nose was all pink, it's been years, but I could never forget her crying face. 

She's hurt, but she's hiding it.