apologies & regrets | bnha (bkdk)

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A/N: this is my first bnha fic, so please don't judge me too harshly ^-^ i originally only posted this on archiveofourown.org but i thought it'd be a good idea to also post it on here :3 the chapters are split up a bit different than on ao3, but i hope that won't bother you!! i'll try to upload a new chapter once a week btw. anyway- enjoy!!

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Katsuki had felt bad. He wanted to visit his old friend again. He hadn't talked to him in almost two weeks.

"It's been a while," he said.

It's been too long.

"I'm sorry."

Katsuki sat down. He looked up, not averting his eyes.

"It's sad that you're not able to be there. At U.A." He coughed, "I'm sure you would've liked it."

He forced a smile. "You know, I miss you sometimes, nerd. It's weird that you're not around." I need you.

He looked at the floor, almost as if he was waiting for an answer. Sure, he wanted an answer, but not even he was foolish enough to think he'd get one, deserve one. He sighed. He wasn't crying, not yet at least.

"There are some people in my class that I think you'd like. Round Face, err, Uraraka Ochako, she's nice, like you were. And always happy, supportive, positive. Just like how you used to be. I think you'd be friends, if..."

Katsuki paused.

"Anyway. Then there's Half'n'Half, Icyhot, or uhh, Todoroki Shouto, he's alright, I guess. I don't know if you'd be friends, but I'm sure you'd get along. Oh! And that Glasses guy! Iida Tenya, or something like that. He's friends with Round Face. I don't really know a lot 'bout him. He's the class rep. Or something. I'm sure you two'd get along great.. I mean, I don't think there's anyone in my class who you wouldn't get along with. You'd able to connect with them all, if they just let you."

This conversation felt awkward. There were too many uncomfortable silences. But Katsuki couldn't avoid that. He didn't know how. He sighed.

"It's kinda hard for me to be around all these fucking extras all the time. It'd be a lot more bearable if you were there, Deku. Uhh, Izuku."

I'm sorry.

The so-called conversation died down again. He wasn't completely sure what else to say, but he felt like he had to say something. He was the only one who was still talking to his old friend.

Were they even really friends? Bakugou Katsuki had no idea. He didn't want to think about it. He knew the answer. He knew it.

...He also really didn't like thinking about it. He didn't like it.

Katsuki looked at the floor. He almost felt stupid.

After all, he was talking to the grave of someone who killed himself because of him.

Then, he looked up again. He stared at his old friend's gravestone in silence for a while. He didn't know how much time he spent like that. Could've been minutes, could've been hours. He had no idea. He wasn't sure if he even cared.

Tears were starting to roll down his cheeks. He didn't even care. He didn't want to admit it, but he really missed him.

He also regretted a few things. Or a lot of them, he wasn't exactly sure. He felt bad. He wanted to apologize, but he had to face the truth. He couldn't. He wasn't able to apologize. But he had to. He just had to make it right. He had to right the wrongs he created.

But that's weird, he's Bakugou Katsuki, he's someone who doesn't make mistakes. Right? Wrong.

He wiped off some of his tears, only for new ones to immediately take their place. He lowered his head, lacking the courage to look at what he caused. "I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered, barely audible, "I'd do anything to make up for it. Anything. There's nothing I wouldn't do..."

He kept his gaze fixated on the ground, witnessing his tears falling to the floor.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, like it'd make a difference. Like, if he said it often enough, he'd be back.

After a while, he looked up again, tears still flowing.

He touched the cold, smooth surface of the gravestone, his hands sliding over the kanji that read 'Midoriya Izuku.' His hand was shaking.

He noticed the sun was about to set. He went to the graveyard in the morning. He hadn't even noticed how fast the time passed. He didn't want to leave. He just wanted to stay right where he was, not moving.

Bakugou Katsuki had never been the kind of person to regret his actions, until one day, he went too far. He'd never before realized that he really had no idea when to stop, when to back away, or to leave it be.

He got up.

"Good night, Izuku. I'll be back tomorrow, okay?" His voice sounded broken, but almost hopeful. Like he was hoping to actually meet Izuku then. Of course, he knew that that wasn't going to happen any time soon..