apologies & regrets | bnha (bkdk)

~ 2 ~

A/N: i know that i said i'd update roughly once a week, but idk i just wanted to upload the next chapter already :3

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Katsuki had consecutively visited Izuku's grave almost everyday for the last year. It had now been almost two years since Midoriya Izuku committed suicide, and Katsuki was in his second year at U.A. High School.

He still could never stop thinking about how much regret he felt, and how sorry he was, and the fact that the anniversary of Izuku's death was coming closer each day seriously wasn't helping.

He wasn't even able to pay attention in class anymore. He knew that Mr Aizawa was talking about something, but he had no idea about what, or if it was important. He didn't really care either anymore.

The more time passed, the more of a wreck he turned into. When he'd first enrolled at U.A. a bit before Izuku died, he was still himself, and when Izuku died, no one in their class seemed to have noticed how hard it hit him then. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't blame them either, because they didn't know him. They still don't. He just couldn't get rid of the guilt. He didn't know what to do about himself. He hated himself for indirectly killing his former childhood friend. He often gravitated towards blaming himself when things didn't work out right. Because how could he not begin blaming himself?

He didn't know what to do. He dreaded thinking about the possibility of his classmates finding out what he did, or worse, how he was feeling constantly for almost two years now. He especially didn't want to talk to them, the ones that view themselves as a friend of his, about this. Any of this.

He sighed.

He was exhausted, mentally. He didn't feel like he deserved rest, or anything good, really.

Izuku had never hurt anyone, or anything. There was probably no one on this earth he wouldn't have tried to help. And yet, the only person he was ever friends with, was a cold-hearted bastard who caused his death. Ironic, isn't it? Izuku deserved better friends than him, anyone other than him.

Oh, what he'd give to get a second chance, to be less of an asshole, a bully... a villain.

But still, if anyone were to find out what was going through Katsuki's head, they'd try to tell him that he's wrong, that he has no reason to feel this way, that it's not his fault, no matter how much he knows that they'd be wrong. Because they are. They're wrong. Right? They have to be.

Katsuki hadn't even noticed that he was shaking, because of how far lost in his thoughts.

As the bell rang, he was taken aback at first. He was greatly surprised how quickly the time had passed. Oh, it's lunch break already? Just as he was about to get up, he was... interrupted.

"Uhh, hey."

Katsuki looked surprised. "What the fuck do you want, Round Face?" He spoke after a few moments of silence.

He really was praying to whatever god was out there that she wouldn't say anything about his firmly deterioating mental state.

Luck was not on his side.

Uraraka Ochako was a very nice girl. She always seemed to care about others. If anyone were to ask him, which no one ever did, he'd say that she was too nice. He especially hated how much her kind, and caring personality constantly reminded him of Izuku. Oh, Izuku.

She shifted on her feet awkwardly. Then, she smiled at him. She had a very bright smile, but not as bright as Izuku's. Bakugou sighed.

"I just wanted to ask you how you're feeling!" She smiled at him. He hated how sympathetic she looked.