kindled

chapter eight - winter

𓆚 Draco Malfoy𓆚

While holding her, something felt wrong. Very wrong. I didn't realize the severity until the mark on my left arm started burning, signaling that I haven't completed my task fast enough. Panicked, I headed to Snape's room and left Bella alone at the ball.

"Professor?" His gaze turned to me, signaling for me to continue speaking.

"The cabinet isn't working, I need more time. Please," I begged, knowing if I didn't succeed, I would lose my parents, my life and potentially Bella's.

"Draco, you have had months. The Dark Lord is becoming impatient, what in godric has been distracting you? I made sure your work load was light," he yelled.

"Please just give me more time." He looked at me with disapproval.

"You are not making your family proud, you are failing them. I took the unbreakable vow for you," Professor Snape snapped.

I knew in that moment, I was done with that silly Hufflepuff. My task wasn't being fulfilled and it was risking the lives of those who I pledged to be loyal to.  Snape followed me to the Room of Requirement, studying the cabinet closely before nodding.

"Get it done," and with that, he left. She was a distraction. I needed to be done with her, make it seem like she never existed. Like she was an imaginary friend, something. Anything.

*****

Everyone was gone for the holidays. Everything was vacant, just me and Snape. I basically lived in the Room of Requirement, barely sleeping or eating. The sooner this is done, the sooner the world stops crushing me and making me unbelievably small. I barely thought of Bella during the day; I had too much to do, too much at stake. The night was different though. She crawled into my thoughts and leached there until sunrise. It was a cycle everyday. I wanted to write her, explaining everything away. My eyes drifted to the ashes on the ground, forcing me to remember the weeks we spent here. Her face glowing from the small, kindling flames. Her smile illuminating every single inch of the room. No. Bloody hell, I cannot think of her.

"Get out of my head," I screamed to no one in particular, hitting the cabinet with a fist. My shoulders began to shake, tears rolled down and I hastily wiped them away. I need to get this done. Grabbing the bright green apple from a desk, I set it inside and took a deep breath before closing the door. I have spent months here, something must've changed. Something must work. This was too much to handle most days. Quickly, I stalked out of the room and down to the dungeon to get the slightest bit of shut eye. There was nothing else I could do but wait and see if they received what I sent.

Instantly, I stripped down and got in the shower. I let the hot water sting my skin as I stared down at the Dark Mark. Bella would hate me when she saw, she would see evil and a traitor. She would hate me if she found out my task. If she knew I was destined to become a murderer. I ran my slender fingers through my hair, cleaning and scrubbing at every inch of my body until my skin was raw. I'm sick of this. I wish I could go back to pushing around Mudbloods and despising Potter. But, that seems like kid stuff now. I took it for granted. I hated how Bella made me feel. Father would sacrifice me to the Dark Lord if he found out I was sneaking around with a Hufflepuff. I despised it, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt her when she was in front of me. I don't know who I've become. I don't know who I am.

My hands were shaky as I dried off and changed into warm clothes. It was lonely here. I need company. I rolled my eyes, knowing I used to be fine alone. I wasn't scared of who I would become, who I am. Collapsing on my bed, I looked at the clock as it read 3 AM. I can squeeze in maybe four hours of sleep. I began to feel uncomfortable and rolled onto my back. Realizing where my discomfort came from, I looked down at my lap. Fucking hell. Not now, I need to sleep. I sat there, counting down from random numbers until I fell asleep, my dreams disgraced me.