Exposed. || swritess_

Not Anymore

Hi everyone! Sorry this took so long, I just started college so I'm super busy! But anyways thanks for sticking around, I hope you enjoyed this!

P.S. I love when you guys leave comments, I love hearing from you all and it helps me to see what you guys are liking most!

A lot could happen in three months.

New apartment, decent raise at work, slightly shorter hair. Even bought Artoo a new collar.

But some things don't change.

You still thought about Kylo. Every. Single. Day.

You hated that this man lived rent free in your mind, practically ruling your life without actually doing anything. It was infuriating and beyond exhausting trying to fight it. Trying to fight a losing game.

And even now, on a beautiful Saturday morning, about to see your two closest friends, all you thought about was Ren. About how tired you were if this, about how annoyed you were with yourself. How utterly ashamed you were that you still gave this man even a sliver of your attention.

As you walked into the lobby of Poe's building, you thought of something he'd told you months ago while you had been laying on his lap, sniffling and crying while he stroked your hair.

"It's a gradual process and it feels like it takes forever," he said, "but one day you're going to be able to wake up and go to work and laugh and not even think about him once."

You clung to that, though as each day passed by with more and more thoughts of Kylo, you were starting to lose faith in his word.

The sound of the elevator doors opening brought you out of your thoughts. Keeping your tray of coffees balanced in your hands, you exited the elevator and made the quick and familiar walk to Poe's place.

You knocked, again making sure that the drinks didn't spill. You hadn't told them you were coming, which explained the surprised but happy look on Finn's face.

He flashed you a wide smile. "Well isn't this- is that coffee?"

You laughed and walked into their apartment. "Yeah I was just in the area and I..." you trailed off, seeing Poe sprawled on the couch.

His skin was sallow, no color in his face except for his red, puffy eyes and bright pink lips. The poor man looked like he hadn't slept on days.

"You look like shit Dameron."

"Thanks, I try my best," he muttered, tugging his blanket up to his chin.

You remembered him mentioning that he hadn't felt great at the office yesterday morning, but it had clearly gotten worse since then.

"But what about the ceremony?" you asked, setting the tray of drinks down. "Or the gala, I'm not sure what it's called."

Poe had been talking about this all week, gushing with pride for his husband. Finn's architecture firm was hosting an event to announce this new project that they'd gotten a bid for. And most importantly, Finn was one of the lead architects.

Poe sighed, his voice full of regret. "There's no way I can go," he replied. "One, I look like I'm knocking on death's door and two, I don't think it'd be fair to infect everyone with whatever horrendous illness this is."

You glanced back at Finn who was looking at his husband, a disappointed and yet concerned look on his face.

It was clear that although he was worried about Poe's current state, Finn was still upset about going to this gala alone. You didn't blame him, of course. This was the first major project that he was heading and he deserved to feel celebrated.