Exposed. || swritess_

I'll Be Here

You remembered falling asleep on the couch, unable to stave off the exhaustion, but you didn't remember moving to the bed.

You rolled onto your side, reaching across the bed for Kylo. But instead of Kylo's warmth, your hand found cold, empty sheets.

It was well after 2 a.m. according to the clock. You sat up, muscles groaning and bones creaking, and looked towards the bathroom, wondering if that's where he was. But there was no light peeking out from the door.

You climbed out of the bed, standing on shaking and sore legs. The hardwood floor was freezing as you padded across the room, grabbing one of Kylo's sweater's to put on your cold and bare body before you left the bedroom.

The rest of the apartment was just as cold as the bedroom, just as empty too. He wasn't on the couch, not in the kitchen, no where visible. That left his office as the only other place.

The door to his office was cracked open but you noticed that not a single light in the room was on as you slipped inside. The light pouring in from the window was enough for you to see Kylo hunched over his desk chair, eyes trained onto something in his hand. He said nothing as you entered the office, only looking up for a brief moment when you came to stand beside his desk. He looked defeated, utterly exhausted and completely defeated.

The silence and albeit temporary peace between the two of you was nice, almost nice enough for you to hold your tongue. But you couldn't, that obnoxious part of you that wouldn't let things go unsaid and wouldn't let a misleading sense of peace subdue you.

"I know that you're not mad because I went behind your back," you said to break the silence. "You're mad because I know."

Kylo didn't object. He didn't say anything either, just kept staring at the object in his hand.

You'd once thought of him as a book missing every other page, but it seemed like you'd figured out a way to read him.

His eyes snapped up to yours. "And you're sure about that?"

If looks could kill, you probably would've stopped breathing by now.

But you hadn't made it all this way to stop now. You swallowed the lump in your throat and held Kylo's gaze, tilting your chin up. "Yes, I am."

He said nothing and looked back down to the object in his hand. You took a step closer and peered closer at the object, seeing what appeared to be a pair of golden dice attached by a chain.

"It's not your fault," you said quietly. "I need you to know that."

He stopped fiddling with the pair of dice and hurled it across the room, sending it straight into the opposite wall with an echoing thud.

"Of course it is," he said loudly.

He roughly pushed himself back from his desk and walked towards the floor-length window. He leaned his arm against the adjoining wall and stared outside.

The city lights and glow from the moon partially illuminated Kylo, casting part of his face in a shadow and the other in bright white light.

You walked towards Kylo and stood behind him, tentatively placing a hand on his broad back, just below his shoulder blade.

"Kylo," you whispered. "I know you don't want to believe me but it really isn't your fault."

Kylo spun around and grabbed your wrist with a shaking hand. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot with deep, dark bags underneath. The dim lighting almost kept you from noticing it, but you still spotted the tear streaming down his cheek.