Too Good For You

two

Sada Anthony,
February 8th, 2020

"Hi mommy's baby." I coo as I rock and dance with a babbling Maiya. I hum to the sound of the lullaby and giggle at her pretty face. "Rockabye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock." I sing softly and kiss her nose.

"I love you more than life itself Mai. You've changed my world." I hold her to my heart and continue to dance around with her with my eyes closed.

"Mommy?" I open my eyes and see a small girl standing in my doorway. I take a closer look and notice my young self standing in front of me. "What are you doing?" She asks me and I look down at my hands seeing Maiya now lifeless.

"I was rocking your sister to sleep." My voice isn't my own this time."Let's get you to bed Sade." A voice says and I nod before trudging down the hall.

"Go get back in bed baby." The man says to the the little version of me. She scurries down the hall and a wind gushes past us making goosebumps rise up my arm.

"You cold?" The man asks and I turn to the eyes of my father and look at myself as we walk past my mirror and see that my face isn't my own. It's my mother's.

I scream loudly at my reflection and push my father away, clutching my baby. I look down at my baby and she's gone. I was just clutching her soft blanket. "Where's my baby?!"

"Sade calm down." He reaches out to me with worry etched on his face making me step back.

"You took my baby! Get away from me! Get away from me!"

"Sada! It's just me! Baby wake up. It's Billie baby, wake up." I shoot up at the sound of her voice and see fear in her eyes.

"What happened?" I ask deliriously as she pulls me closer to her. "Where's my mom? Where's Maiya?"
I frantically look around the bed and she shushes me.

"You were having a bad dream baby." She rubs my arm and kisses the top of my forehead. "Go back to sleep." I look over at our clock that reads 2:27am and jump up.

"We're gonna miss our flight baby!" She grabs my hand and pulls me back to the bed.

"It's delayed until tomorrow bug. Come back to sleep." She pulls me into her arms and holds me closely. I sniffle feeling the tears well into my eyes at the realization of what today is.

"She would've been one today." I tell her and she sighs sadly but remains quiet so I can talk. "I'm sorry I just-" I sniffle and wipe my eyes. "I miss her everyday, I mourn her everyday Billie and it never gets easier."

"Don't expect it to get easier right now. It doesn't matter when you lost her baby that pain will go away when it needs to. Do not rush your grievance." She says soothingly, kissing the back of my head. I nod and sniffle, wiping the tears from face.

"I need to see my mom after we go to her grave." Every few months I'd take flowers to Mya's grave and maybe text Roland to see how he was doing. Last I'd heard he was doing well, still in school and had a new girlfriend. "Oh and I need to text Roland."

"I actually saw him the other day." Billie says surprising me.

"You did? Where?" I flip over to face her and smile at her droopy eyes. I cup her cheek and caress her soft face with the pad of my thumb.

"I saw him at your moms." I furrow my eyebrows and she nods. "He was with Hector."

"Why were y'all at my moms?" I ask skeptically and squint my eyes at her.

"Muffins." She responds tiredly making me roll my eyes. "We all came for the same thing."

Over the small period of my pregnancy, my mom and brother Hector formed a bond with Roland. He'd help my mom with fixing things around the house and she baked for his mom so they'd grown close enough to where I know he'll get a Christmas stocking. Hector had instantly liked him after he overheard him telling my mom he played baseball in high school.