Too Good For You

thirteen

Billie
April 4th, 2020

"Bug!" I yell walking into the quiet house. I look in the kitchen and don't see her. "Baby! I'm home, I have to tell you about this—"

I push our bedroom door open and pout seeing her curled up in the bed with Shark at her feet. I sit on the bed and watch her for a moment before carefully laying beside her.

I run my hand up her arm slowly and then caress her cheek. Her light snores fill my ears and I smile. I kiss her nose and then her lips. I put my forehead against hers and slide my hand to the back of her neck to rub it gently.

I kiss her nose a few times and pull back to look at her again. I take in her features, her perfectly arched eyebrows, her button nose, and long eyelashes. The small beauty marks and freckles perfectly dotted on her face. Her lips were slightly pouted and her eyebrows scrunched every few seconds.

This is the most peaceful I've seen her since Jamaica but even that caused her stress. I know the last year hasn't been a good one, shit the last few years of her life haven't been good ones. It seems as if I made them worse at every turn.

I know I'm not all the blame for a lot but I haven't been making her life peaceful as I should. Lately, I've been feeling insecure about her friendship with Ally. To be fucking honest that shit scares me. I know what Ally is capable of and how she made Sada feel when they were together. I don't want her to do what I stupidly did to her.

I leave for tour in two weeks and the thought of leaving her scares me. Will she even miss me? I know I'll miss her. Everything about her makes my heart swell even when shes cursing me out about something. Which she's been doing a lot of.

I can admit that 90% of the time, I started the argument. My insecurities get the best of me and I take it out in her. The shoe is really on the other foot.

"What are you thinking about bunny?" She asks in a tired voice with her eyes closed.

"How we should get out of this apartment for once." I lie and she creaks her eyes open at that.

"To go where?" She puts her hand on my cheek and caresses it with her thumb waking up the many butterflies in my stomach. She stares at me with her brown eyes and I get lost in them for a moment.

"Wherever you want to go." I grab her hand and kiss the back of it. She blushes at the tender touch and scoots closer to me. I wrap my arm around her and kiss her forehead. We sit in silence for a few minutes and just as I think she's back asleep I hear light sniffles. I furrow my eyebrows and look at her seeing tears streaming down her face.

I lift her face by her chin and wipe the tears with my thumb. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," she laughs wiping her eyes, "I just-- the last few weeks have not been good ones for us and you're leaving soon. It just feels like you're leaving while we're on bad terms."

"Sada, me and you are fine." I wipe her teary eyes and my heart drops at her sad face.

"I know, it just makes me sad that you'll be gone after all this time. All we've been doing is arguing and you've been working so much these last few weeks."

I have been working like crazy to prep for our tour in two weeks. Most days I'd get home before Sada but days she didn't work I'd be gone all day. Our arguments have stopped the last few days but I've noticed a change in Sada. If she's not pretending to be sleep at night, she's smoking or trying to have sex. She never wants to talk about how she feels anymore. It's back to her burying them, hoping they'd go away.

"Then let's go out. We can spend time together while we still can."  I lean down and kiss her forehead making her smile through her teary eyes.

"Okay," She gets out of the bed and puts her pants on. I smile watching her struggle to button then.