Too Good For You

deleted scene 2

——— deleted scene 2: my little love ———

"Mama, why are you crying?" My four year old son asks while wiping at my eyes. "Is it Mommy?" I grab his hand and kiss the back of it.

"No, it's not Mommy." I sniff and wipe at my face then put on the best smile I can muster up. "Why're you awake?"

"I felt sad." He frowns and I pull him closer to my body to hug. "Then I saw that you were sad."

"I'm sorry baby." I hold him close to me as if he'd disappear out of thin air and silently cry. I quickly get myself together and pull away from the hug. "I never want you to be sad because I'm sad. You hear me?" He nods and I kiss his forehead then his nose repeatedly making him giggle.

I kiss his nose one final time and then he asks the dreadful questions. "When is Mommy coming home?" My heart drops to my chest at the mention of his Mommy, my wife.

"Soon baby, you know mommy works a lot." He pouts then his eyes get bright as if he has an idea. He jumps off the bed and runs to his room next door to the one me and Billie used to share. "What're you doing in there?"

"I'm gonna call her Manny!" He screams and runs back to my room hurriedly. He climbs onto my bed and lays back on my chest with his iPad in his hands as he finds her contact. "Mom: Billie O'Conell" under my contact "Mom: Sada Anthony-O'Connell" I chuckle lightly at that as he clicks Facetime on her name.

Instead of giving Maddox both our last names, I gave him the middle name Anthony so that technically he'd have both of our names. Everybody knows that he's my baby, he has my entire face but has Billie's laugh. He laughs exactly like her and it's sick. Even as a baby, he laughed loudly just like her.

"Hi Mommy! How are you?" He says excitedly once her angelic face comes on the screen.

"I'm doing great Mad man, how are you?" She smiles, eyes lighting up at the sight of our boy. As they always do.

"Great! Me and Manny watched tv aaaalll day! Tell her Mama," He shoves the camera in my face and Billie's eyes soften at mine.

"We did baby, we watched PJ Masks and Paw Patrol." She laughs, knowing I absolutely hate Paw Patrol.

"Paw Patrol is my favorite show. Ain't that right Mama?" He takes the iPad back.

"That's right baby." I kiss the top of his head and softly rub at his short brown curls. I try to pay attention to the TV in front of me but can't help but to drift my eyes back to Billie.

We'd hit a rough patch in our relationship where we felt like we'd been smothering each other. After my three failed attempts at getting pregnant and finding out that I'm infertile, it broke me and this time around I couldn't wallow in self pity. I had a child to take care of and a marriage to uphold but I was crumbling on the inside.

It didn't make matters better when Billie revealed that she had feelings for another person in a therapy session. The only person holding me up is my son. Each day I feel like I'm going to crack under all the water closing in on my fragile body but I won't let myself for my baby boy. He's the one keeping me alive. He's the one I stay in therapy for.

As far as I'm concerned, he's my only concern. I don't desire fixing my marriage with Billie at the moment and I'm not sure she is either. We only every talk about Maddox and bills. Now that Maddox is in school, I can go back to work but it's all from home now. Once Billie got pregnant, I decided to quit my job at KIP to help her out and be there for her after giving birth. She hadn't officially went back to work until Maddox turned 2.

At that time our marriage fell on hard times but we kept it together. Going through those three failed pregnancies. We both suffered together but I grieved a part of myself in silence. We were fine as far as I was concerned, up until a few months ago where she revealed that she was in love with someone else. The identity of that person has been kept a secret but I have an inkling of who it is.

The woman was everywhere, Billie couldn't be in a picture without her. Her working for her made matters worse for me. Me basically being a stay at home mother to our child I was often tired of nights where Billie wanted to go out. She wanted to go out for date nights and do things that I was far too tired for. Chasing around a young child can get tiring, especially when that's all you do.

Against my better judgment, I've been letting Billie pay for everything being that she still works and I don't. How did I become a stay at home mom when she was the one to give birth? Obviously her job is more demanding than my teaching job but it was something I enjoyed.

But I enjoy being a mother far more than anything.