Unspoken Past (Completed)

Panicky Siddharth

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They both were lying in each other's arms after such a wild and exotic union. Both not able to move, regaining their strength back. After few minutes Sana remembered something.
Sana: Siddharth, Taniya ka kya hua??
Sid didn't move nor he spoke.
Sana: Siddharth maine kuch pucha tujse.
Sid: Chod diya usne muje.
Sana: Kyu??
Sid: Yeh kya lekar bait gayi. Come give me a kiss.
Sana: Nahi bata. Jiske leye tune mere taraf dekha bhi nhi mud kar ek baar, nau saal pehle, uske baare me jaana mera haq hai.
Sid went stiff in her arms.
Sana: Bol siddharth.
Sid: Usse shaadi chahiye the, bacche chahiye the aur muje in mese kuch nhi chahiye. To vo chali gayi.
Sana: Aise he?? Tu ne roka nahi??
Sid: Mai apne relationships me bahot clear hu. Mere sath jo bhi ladki hai usse pata hota hai, ke mujse koi commitment ke expectations nahi rakhni chahiye.
Sana: Jaise ke ab mai.
Sana came out of his arms and he sat upright.
Sid: Tu dusre ladkiyon se khud ko kaise compare kar sakti hai.
Sana: Kyu?? Kya difference hai muje aur unme??
Sid: Bahot farak hai??
Sana: Nahi koi farak nhi. Hum sab ko pata hai ke hamara koi future nhi hai tere sath. Par fir bhi hum hai, kyuki tu bahot generous hai. Tu apni body to share kar sakta hai par apni soul nhi. Right??
Sid: Tuje kya lagta hai hum dono jo yeh share karte hai, vo sirf physical hai?? Aur kuch nhi??
Sana: Tu bata. Hum dono....
Sid's mobile bussed, he looked at it. It was baba. He picked up the call
Sid: Hello, ha baba??..... Accha thek hai.... Mai aa raha hu.... Abhi 5 minutes me aata hu.
Sid looked at Sana and she looked away. He got up from the bed put on his clothes and left the room, without saying anything. Sana too got up, wore her clothes and left his room. She went to hers and sat in the balcony, overlooking the beautiful garden below. She had known all this from the start. It was she who had asked him to be with her. She had insisted and he had given in. Then why was she angry now. This is not fair. He had made no false promises to her. Not now. Not nine years ago.
Sid walked through the coriander. Baba had called as he wanted him to meet someone, he had met accidentally here. Some old friend. Sid met that old man respectfully they had talked and then he had excused himself as his mind was not into it. How can she compare herself to the other girls in his life. There were not many. Half of the girls associated with him, were just the imagination of the viewers and the media. He had not denied any, because he didn't like giving explanations. And some who were really there were just to keep his family bringing marriage proposals. He won't deny, about having physically involved with some. It was the need which led him to it. Most of the time, he would close his eyes, imagining them to be Sana and would come with such intensity that he had called out her name once or twice in the flow. He had been clear about himself with everyone. Because no one could replace her. And he would never want anyone to replace her. The girls wanted marriage, children. And he wanted it with only Sana. But he can't have his child in her womb. His child??? Her womb?? Something struck him. He had not used condom yesterday and not even today. What has he done. How can he be so reckless. His palm became sweaty. He ran towards his room. Sana was not there. He then rushed to hers. He opened the door startling Sana. He came and stood in front of her. Sana looked with surprise in her eyes
Sana: Kya hua??
Sid: Hamne kal aur aaj do baar protection use nhi kiya.
Sana looked down. It had crossed her mind, but she had pushed the thought away, wanting him inside her without anything between them. Sid was pacing in front of her.
Sid: How can I be such an idiot. How can I not be careful. What if you get pregnant??
He lifted her to her feet and shook her by her arms.
Sid: Sana Kuch bol yaar.
Sana: Tu kya chahta hai?? Mai kya bolu??
Sid: Sana muje promise kar. Agar tu pregnant hue, to tu muje batayegi.
Sana: Kyu?? Aur tu kya karega jaan kar??
Sid: Kya matlab?? Mai kya karunga matlab??
Sana: Ha Mai vohi puch rahi hu. Chal bata?? Agar Mai pregnant ho gayi to tu kya karega??
Sid: Vo... Mai...
Sana laughed out loud.
Sana: Ho gaya?? Khatam josh?? Mai batati hu kya karega tu.
She poked her finger in his chest.
Sana: Do cheeze kar sakta hai tu. Ek to yeh, ke tu muje abortion karvane me madat karega, ya to muje is bacche ko sambhalne ke leye paise bhi de sakta hai. Par ek baat bolu?? Muje tujhse yeh dono bhi meherbaani nhi chahiye
Sid looked at her. Stunned. She had spoken it so easily. She had judged him so easily. He took a step back. Hurt and pain in his eyes.
Sid: Kitni acchi tarah jaanti hai na tu muje. Kitne acche se pehchanti hai. Just like nine years back.
He turned and left the room. Sana stood there shocked at her own behavior. What has she done??What has she said?? And why?? He was so hurt. She had seen it in his eyes. But why did she hurt him?? Was this because she thought she was not different from the other girls in his life?? But she was. She was different. She knew that. She had seen it in his eyes, in every moment they had spend together. Now and even nine years back. How can she doubt his genuine feelings for her. She is wrong. She should have not done this. Sana ran to his room. She saw him sitting on the couch, his head down. She rushed to him and sat on his lap. He circled his arm around her waist to prevent her from falling. She started kissing his face. She gave him kisses everywhere, except his lips. This brought a smile on his face. He can forgive her everything. She is not wrong in her reaction, given in the present circumstances. She is confused as to where she stands in his life. She doesn't know that she herself is his life. Sana saw him smiling and she smiled too. He looked at her intently.
Sid: Moti tu ne muje lips pe kiss nhi kiya. Chal ab acche se kiss kar muje.
And she kissed him with love and longing. She hugged him tight
Sana: I'm sorry.
Sid: Kyu??
Sana: Maine tuje hurt kiya.
Sid: Koi baat nhi. Hota hai aise kabhi kabhi. Moti, tu chudiya pehenne nhi jaa rahi hai?? Vo koi ladies aaye hai, chudiya lekar.
Sana: Ha jaa rahi hu ab.
She got up to go and he held her hand. Sana looked at him
Sid: Accha sun... Lal chudiya pehehna.
She saw something in his eyes. Some raw emotion, which she could not put her finger on. She nodded. Not trusting her voice. As she was about to walk out of his room she saw her image in the large mirror of the room. She noticed something and went nearer to examine it. She saw a love bite on her neck. It was very prominently seen. She screamed and Sid came to her
Sid: Kya hua??
He looked at her through the mirror.
Sana: Yeh dekh, kya kiya hai tune. Siddharth kya hai yeh. Ab mai bahar kaise jaau??
Sid started laughing.
Sana: Tu has raha hai?? Tuje sharam nhi aati?? Next time hath mat lagana muje.
Sid: Hath mat lagana?? Are aise thodi hota hai.
Sana: Tu he bata kaise jaau mai. Koi dekhega to kya soochega??
He took her colourful scarf which she had worn on her white dress and wrapped it around her neck.
Sid: Ab jaa.
Sana: Nahi dekh raha hai na??
Sid: Nahi.
Sana: Pakka??
Sid: Ab jaati hai ya aur ek banau.
He pulled her to him.
Sana: Siddharth please jaane de baby, nahi to koi aa jaayega muje dundte yaha.
Sid: Accha jaa. Par yaad rakh tu aaj yaha aa rahi hai sone. Mere paas.
Sana: Accha thek hai baba. Tu ab muje jaane de please.
He kissed her on her lips and pushed her towards the door. She left and he sat on the sofa again. What will happen if she gets pregnant?? Of course he will marry her. But will she be ready for it?? He had been pushing her away for so many years. What if she pushes him away now. He prayed to God. As much as he wished, she should not get pregnant. It will complicate everything. Please God, please help me. He prayed. He went out. All women were sitting in the Hall, adjacent to the dinning Hall. All the ladies from both the sides were wearing bangles of their choices. Sana was sitting in one corner, wearing bangles. A local lady was helping her. Sid sat afar watching her. She looked so innocent and happy. She had a shine on the face. Just like a newly married women after the morning of her first night. Wasn't this the morning of her first night. His heart started hammering. Won't she have looked just like that the next morning, if he had married her. What are you thinking Siddharth. Take a grip man. You are in danger. In grave danger. You may not be able to stay without her this time. It's impossible. He wants her. Not for few days. But for a lifetime and more if there is. As if sensing his gaze, she looked up. She gave him a shy smile. She looked on both sides, to see if anyone was looking at her, and then raised her both hands to show her bangles to him. It was the image, he would want to cherish as long as he lives. He removed his mobile and clicked her picture. She went pink, as he winked at her.
And then came shehbaaz her younger brother. The one she was most closest to. Shehbaaz brought a different kind of energy with him. All were so happy to have him. They were jokes and laughter during lunch. He was the center of attraction at that moment. As the lunch was over, they all got ready, to welcome the choreographers. All went to change for their practice. Shehbaaz walked with Sana to her room.
Shehbaaz: Tuje kya hua hai??
Sana: Muje?? Kya?? Kuch bhi to nhi.
Shehbaaz: Kuch alag lag rahi hai. Ek chamak hai tere chehre pe. Acchi lag rahi hai aur khush bhi.
Sana: Accha??
Shehbaaz: Siddharth ke vajah se na??
Sana: Shehbaaz vo bohot accha hai yaar..
Shehbaaz: Ha vo to hai, par kya vo tera hai??
Sana: Nahi.
Shehbaaz: Fir??
Sana: Chod na baad me baat karte hai.
Shehbaaz: Thek hai.
It was decided that Sana was giving a dance performance with all the girls of the family. Both sides of the families were going to compete with each other. And then there was a couple performance of the bride and bridegroom.
Sid has come out of Adi's room. He will go to Sana's room, he thought. He needed to kiss her. She was like an addiction to him. He will go before she leaves for rehearsal with that jerk.
He stopped dead when, he heard something.
Aahaan's mom: Muje to Sana bahot pasand hai, apne Aahaan ke leye.
Adi's mom: Ha ha baat to kar li hai, Maine Reet se. Vo bhi bahot khush the. Dekhte hai. Boli ke Sana ke mummy papa aayenge to baat aage badate hai.
Sid felt his heart crumbling and falling to his feet.