Philophobia//Ziam

>>19<<

Zayn wakes up somewhat confused he doesn't know if yesterday happened it was a Monday and even as a teacher Mondays are the worst day of the week Zayn showers and changes before going to the kitchen to make some breakfast as expected he didn't see Liam it was expected but it still kinda hurt

Zayn still left Liam coffee and his cereal and walking out the door as he was walking to his car he was shoving things into his pockets that's when he found some sort of note he thought it was from one of his students

Once he gets into the car and opens the note he is shocked to see liam's messy cursive handwriting he read the letter and felt like he was going to cry he reread it about 3 times before convening himself to put it back in his pocket and start driving as he was still teaching

But he couldn't stop thinking about it and Liam and for the first time in a very long time he shoves his tongue down Gigi's throat when she came knocking trying to tell himself it wasn't Liam it was the kissing

But it was Liam he was in love with Liam someone who had a phobia of falling in love and being intimate

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Back at the house, Liam had gotten out of bed smiling to himself seeing the coffee and cereal on the bench and then remembering the letter he went to check if the coat was still there and he didn't know whether he was happy or sad to see that it wasn't on the hook

On the plus side, it meant zayn had read the letter on the downside it meant Zayn had read the letter Liam thought to himself

"why are staring at the jackets as that" Harry asks from beside Liam making Liam jump he turns around to see Harry and Louis standing close to each other but not touching probably because of him they must have just come home Liam thinks

"No reason just zoned out," Liam said quickly still not sure if he was happy or sad that Zayn had the note and probably read it

"ok then, you ready to go?" Louis asks

"I mean sure," he says looking down at what he is wearing "but where are we going?" Liam asked trying to think of where they going but he couldn't think of any

"shopping " Harry says like it is the most obvious thing in the world

"oh," Liam says jumping in the back of Harry's car

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when Zayn gets home Liam and Louis are still out shopping for lord knows what which Zayn was surprised about considering the amount of work Louis has been missing to hang out with Liam or harry

as Zayn shuts the front door  behind him sighs out of relief of being home and also that they aren't home he had a rough day all he could think about was Liam from the way he looked running out of his bedroom last night to the way he tasted to the fact that Zayn was the first person Liam had kissed in 3 years

Zayn couldn't even imagine that he had girls lining up to sleep with him none of them gets in his head the way Liam has though

"I always fall for the ones I can't have," Zayn says to himself under his breath while cleaning up the kitchen before starting o dinner before the boys get home

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about an hour later the boy's come home Louis and Harry are holding hands as they walked inside Liam trailing behind obviously seeing the pair but seeming not to care or react to which made Zayn smile

It was as he walks up to Liam to help him with the bags his carrying that Zayn realises he hasn't seen Liam since last night since there kiss Liam seems to notice it too as he looks up breathing unevenly which Zayn assumes is because harry and Louis were being more couple he looks up Zayn and sends him a shy smile before resorting to the comfort of his room

Zayn picks up the bags he left behind putting them out of the walkway before serving dinner for himself and the other two dinner

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it had been about 2 months since then and things were only improving Liam's therapist talked to Louis and harry about slowly being able to show more affection in front of him

and Zayn started to exercise and even meditate with Liam

Liam himself can feel the difference he feels lighter almost. Zayn and Liam still haven't talked about the kiss but they have kissed 2 or 3 more times then one of them leaves without saving anything to each other or anyone else

Liam knows Zayn wants to make it official but Liam is not up to that yet he is still finding it hard to admit that he wants to and he still gets nauseous and sweaty thinking about love but now he tries to think and lead with his heart and currently his heart is telling him Zayn, Zayn, Zayn

but there is still that tiny voice saying that his dad was right that no one would or could ever love him and that it will end up with him being hurt but as every day goes past, every therapy session and every minute he spends with Zayn it gets drowned out by his heart