you weren't in the mood for anything today, you felt lonely & with what's coming up made it worse. you wish you could've done better. then things would've been better not so lonely always alone, but thing never go as one wants.
you really didn't have any idea what you would do, all day just zoning out, thinking out what you could've done. you just didn't know how to cooperate with what's coming up. you couldn't sleep from how much your mind keep thinking. your life was so much better with someone, you shared every moment, memory & you never thought that someone would take that away from you. happiness was with him, sadness never mentioned with him. everything didn't matter when with him.
everything about him was amazing, from his smile too his dumbest jokes but I didn't matter, you still loved him that way, well everybody did your family adored him they once told me 'whenever you move, he moves or opposite. scared to lose you' my grandma told me before she passed. and she was right whenever I took a leap into life he was right next to me, yes we had ups & downs but we always talked about it. I was always paranoid that he had to hide he feelings from me, i told him that no matter what I'll be there with him through tears & laughs.
you both got married with not a care in the world. age 23. knowing that you were his & that he was yours, was like a dream come true. you wanted too leave los angels move where all there was rain & tears but sunlight, and beautiful mountains with breathtaking views. you build a home there made an amazing life the both of you, taking over. nothing you thought nothing or no one could take you from him. nothing.
you were home with you 8 month old daughter, getting her ready for bed, he had his eyes, your skin color, his curly hair. she was everything you guys could ask for both loved her so much. scared she would grow up too fast he treated her like a princess and you his queen. he told you he'd be home by 8:00 it's already 10 and you started getting ready for bed thinking he'd be coming late from work. until you got a loud knock on the door, waking up edelyn, you quickly realize this isn't jordan wouldn't bang on the door like that, you check the cameras. you mentally screamed the police standing at your door, you walked downstairs & put edelyn in her small bassinet. "hello, officer." you were shaking of fear hoping nothing happened "ms. huxhold?" he said " this is her, what happened?!" your voice cracked "ma'am you husband is dead."
today's were visiting his grave, years & years trying to recover from the terrible madness but i was finally happy knowing he wasn't him pain or traumatized he's happy watching over us. but he never be able to hold his child with him hands, never able to say ' I love you' to his wife or child. you had to gather the strength to care for your child, getting help from everyone you knew edelyn would grow up with his friends & family. "come on mama! dada been waiting." she's excited to see him again, I mean who wouldn't " hold on amor, okay let's go" you drove to his grave, knowing you did your best to protect him and love him. you know he wouldn't like you blaming yourself. you thanked him everyday for what he gave you. and you loved him. your my love, forever & always jordan huxhold.
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_____________________________ I wrote this,when I was really sad, sorry.
