Sufferable Acceptance

Four

Theo

She fell asleep around two. She was exhausted both from our night and the day she had before. She made me nervous. I was afraid to move too fast causing her to wake, or shift my weight afraid she'd be uncomfortable. Before she fell asleep she laid on my chest while we shared stories. It was a risk telling her about me, but I felt an unspoken trust that I could share my thoughts with her. I talked about my parents and siblings. I told her about the twins and how they were just starting the fourth grade. How they were inseparable, and would commit any crime for ice cream. I told her about the strained relationship with my father and my struggles to follow in his footsteps. I think she knows what I am. I never had to say it, but the way she looked at me told me she understood.

She understood that to spend a life with me would be dangerous and dire. The more I told her the more she understood. She listened to all of my stories about growing up with Gio and Marcus, and having to grow up too soon. I told her if she got the chance to meet her that she would love my younger sister Sophia. Who was brilliant, stubborn, and at times too trusting. She laughed at stories about my younger brother and all the trouble I had to save his ass from to avoid giving our mother another heart attack. Story after story she just listened.

I told her all about me and my life, but at the end of the night it seemed like I knew nothing about her except for a few things. She believes in karma, and likes to think the universe accepts small good deeds and turns it into a bigger exchange. Although, she admitted it wouldn't matter because in her eyes she's committed too many sins to be considered for an ounce of good karma. That I couldn't believe, there was no way this sleeping angel in my arms had done more bad than good in this lifetime.

I know her favorite color is yellow, she had a dog named Hank when she was younger, and she rarely talks to her sisters anymore. She wouldn't say why, but I know the answer was too painful to share with the stranger she just met, so I didn't push it. She hates the snow, and she's addicted to coffee, but only if it contains too much sugar and sweetener.

I held her close as she slept. I caught her in a nightmare a few times, tensing in her sleep, but relaxing after a few short seconds. I wanted to wake her and ask her what was going on inside her mind, but I knew more than anything she needed her sleep.

I didn't want this night to end. I knew eventually the sun would rise and it would wake her, but I prayed to any God that would listen to stop the sun from rising just this once.

I couldn't sleep. I was afraid if I did I would miss something cute she did in her sleep, or worse, she would disappear before I had the chance to say goodbye. Right before sleep took over, and I closed my eyes, she woke up. She sat up and gave me a sad smile before attempting to slide off the bed.

"Don't go," I pleaded.

She looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I have to, I'm sorry" she said.

"No.. look. I know you have to leave and when the sun rises I'll let you, but just don't go yet. Please just lay here with me for a few more hours and let me soak up this moment before we both have to go back to the real world" I begged. "If when the sun rises you still need to go, I'll let you leave with no protest from me".

She looked at me, then the clock on my nightstand, then out at the night sky. She pulled the covers back over her body and slowly curled back into my hug. She rested her head on my chest and let her hand fall on my stomach moving only when I breathed.

I played with her hair until she fell back asleep. A short while after convincing her to stay, I fell asleep. I woke up to hear my phone ringing from the chair in the corner of my room. It took me a minute to remember what had happened last night, and when I did I was disappointed that I was lying in my bed alone. I knew she would be gone, but a small part of me wished that when I woke up she would still be here.

I stood up to turn off my phone, and I saw a small note on my dresser.

"Goodbye Theo"

-Elena

Fuck, I had to find her.