Noon Pa Man Ay Ikaw Na

Chapter Fifteen

BILLY was not able to control her tears habang hinahalikan siya ni Jansen. But despite her tears, she accepted and returned his kisses with so much love that has been coiled up in her heart for a long time. Unlike her tears of this morning that were full of hurt and pain, these tears now, were tears of happiness. This is just her dream, pangarap lang niya ito dati, ang halikan siya nito. And now it's happening.

Kaninang umaga lang ay halos madurog ang puso niya but now, his kisses have taken away all the pain in her heart. And hearing him say that he's jealous of Perry..gives her hopes.. is he jealous because he likes me or he loves me? She can't wait to hear it from him say that..

But aside from happiness and hope, there is one emotion na nakaabang, fear. Fear that she might be wrong na mahal siya ng binata kaya nito siya hinalikan...na baka panaginip lang ang lahat.

And she has to know where she stands. Kung nagseselos ito kay Perry at hinahalikan siya nito ngayon, kailangan niyang malaman mula dito kung mahal ba siya nito. At kung sakali ngang mahal siya nito, handa ba nitong hiwalayan si Lyka for her? She knows it's a big risk to ask him that..but she has to know. Hindi puwedeng basta nagseselos ito at wala lang, at lalong hindi puwedeng hinahalikan siya nito ngayon at wala lang.

Napahinto naman si Jansen sa masuyong paghalik sa dalaga ng maramdamang umiiyak ito habang hinahagkan niya. Napatingin siya sa magandang mukha ni Billy as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

Si Billy naman ay kumalas mula sa yakap ng binata at bahagyang dumistansiya dito. She has to keep a safe distance between them sa itatanong niya. Dahil hindi niya alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya kapag sinabi nito ang kinatatakutan niyang marinig.

"Oh babe! Please don't cry! I'm sorry kung nabigla kita" ang nag aalalang sabi nito.

Billy took a deep sigh. It's now or never! She had to ask him.

"Why are you jealous of Perry Jansen? Does it mean you like me?" she asked bravely.

Bigla namang natigilan si Jansen. Confusion written across his handsome face. Gusto niyang panghinaan ng loob sa biglang pagkatulala nito. But she has to lay it all.

"And why did you kissed me? Does it mean you love me? And can you break up with Lyka for me? Can you do that?" sunod sunod niyang tanong habang sunod sunod na rin ang tahip ng dibdib niya sa pananahimik ng binata. His long silence seem to make her fall apart. She is falling to pieces..dahil ito na yata ang kinatatakutan niya..

"Bakit hindi ka makasagot? Mahirap bang sagutin ang tinatanong ko Jansen?"nanghihina man ay nagpakatatag siya. She met his eyes that were full of confusion. Kung mahal siya nito, there shouldn't be confusion.

"I- Im sorry..I can't.. I mean..I don't" litong litong sabi nito na mahinang napahikbi si Billy dahil alam na niya ang sagot. He doesn't love her as a woman..

My God! He couldn't even complete his sentence! Im sorry I can't break up with Lyka, I mean..I don't love you.. iyon ba ang sasabihin nito dapat na hindi nito masabi sabi?

She weakly wiped her tears at pinilit na ngumiti. "Let's just pretend this didn't happen. Huwag kang mag alala, friends pa rin naman tayo. Siguro ay nalito ka lang sa nararamdaman mo sa akin, naipagkamali mo lang ang closeness natin as more than friendship. I know that you care for me and that you love me as a friend. And I care and love you too as a friend. At mas maganda nga na ganoon lang tayo palagi, maging magkaibigan, mas masaya, walang kumplikasyon. Naiyak lang ako siguro dahil nagulat ako, bigla mo akong hinalikan, kaya naitanong ko kung gusto mo ba ako? And naiyak ako kaninang umaga dahil nagselos ako sa atensyong ibinibigay mo kay Lyka, I felt na napapabayaan mo na ako as your bestfriend. At siguro ay ganoon ka din, sabi mo nga nagseselos ka kay Perry, at siguro ay dahil sa atensyon na naibibigay ko sa kanya ngayon, nagseselos ka bilang kaibigan."