The simplicity of "I love you"

Chapter 10- In the dead of night

TW: self harm, goreish

Ambers POV

Mars had fallen asleep on the mattress leaving me staring at the ceiling with my thoughts. I look down at my wrist, the bandage had splattered paint all over it, it must have healed by now... right? Maybe I should leave it, just incase.

Mars had been sleeping for some time now, they surely wouldn't notice if I just went downstairs, they were asleep after all, oblivious to the world for awhile. I pulled myself up gently trying hard not to make much noise, and crept out the room and down the stairs, there was no real goal of doing this I just wanted to walk around a bit.

I looked through the kitchen window and saw the moon gleaming in the dead of night and the tiny little stars blinked in the darkness. I wandered around the kitchen looking through draws so I could become familiar with the place and as I opened a smaller draw I spotted a razor, it shon directly in my eyes as the moonlight hit it. I-I can't let Mars find this... I carefully pick up the razor and examine it, why is this lying around anyway? I stuff the thing in my pocket and decide to go back upstairs, I need to take my mind off it.

As I creep into my room I glance at the balcony.... going on the roof wouldn't hurt, would it? I open the door as softly as I can and slip through the door, i clamber onto the railing and pull myself onto the roof with great difficulty. When I had finally got up it was quiet, all except the slow rustle of the leaves and the soft hoots of owls. Your so stupid! What are you gonna do now, admire the veiw?! No your just gonna think, think about all the bad stuff you have done AND to top it off you brought a razor up here to what are you thinking you absolute f- the thoughts continued after that, I couldn't take my mind off it, my mind flashed back to the razor in my pocket, it would relive the pain, it would stop everything!

My hand shakily reached for the razor in my back pocket, the blade shone once again in the moonlight, but that didn't matter, my eyes played tricks on me, flashes of speckled blood flayed onto the shining blade, I rubbed my eyes and the bloodied vision had gone, it is time.

I pulled up my sleeves and reminded myself that I didn't have any health supplies, why am I doing this, this is wrong, I have been clean for so long, stop...STOP! But it was to late I had plunged the blade into my skin and the blood began to surface, I dragged the blade across my skin again and again and again until my arm was red raw, it tingled with pain, but my mind was fuzzed, why did you stop? MORE! Is all I could make out, but i couldn't do it anymore, i was so tired, I needed sleep.

I was beginning to get up when I heard something that could make your heart stop, somebody's coming to the roof... MARS is coming to the roof, they will see you, oh god oh god oh god! But it was to late to hide Mars had pulled themselves up into the roof and had seen me
"A-Amber..." they stutter
"Look im sorry!" I say before they can jump to conclusions
"I wasn't thinking I was just triggered and I just-" my voice trailed off as I looked at Mars hurt face
"Why didn't you... wake me up" they look at my arm and then at my face
"You need your sleep" I answer looking at my arm, blood trailed from cuts to off the tips of my fingers, there was no speaking for awhile, just a very regretful environment.
"Come on, we need to clean you up" Mars says grabbing my clean arm,
"I'm sorry" I whisper into their ear, my eyes welled with tears but I tried not to cry
"Just please, tell me next time" they said back to me wiping away an escaping tear on my cheek, I nod in reply, way to choked up to speak at that point.