(I'm not the best with titles anymore lol)
Ally.
Knowing we are having weekly check-ins and before we both start this relationship, I know Lauren wanted to talk about how she was feeling when I was with someone else.
I know I hurt her and make it worse I kept the secret with her. I know it was wrong but I wasn't ready to tell her.
I was ready to talk about it and with her, I knew she had to get it out of her system or something, which I see her point of view.
I care about her so much and it didn't stop when we broke up and when we stopped talking.
She came over and we sat down. I made cookies as I remembered she liked my baking.
I know you are here to talk and ask me all the questions you want to know.
"Well yes it's true but I also want to know what you are thinking? She asked me
"What do you mean? I asked, I was a little confused about it
"I know you didn't want to hurt me, but I also know why now you wanted to talk about it?
"I understand you probably don't want to start something new between us without speaking it and I wasn't ready then because I wasn't sure how to tell you or why I didn't tell you but I was terrified of losing you. I never stopped caring about you. You have no idea how much I missed you, our friendship and you always saying your sweet things about me and how thankful you were of me. You are the most important person to me that I am still thankful for you letting us be part of each other's world."
"Allyson, I will always be here for you, till the end and I will always care for you more than anyone. So have no idea how we got here but I will never complain or stop thanking God for you."
"You always had the way with words that always can make me smile."
"You are getting better talking with your feelings."
"Ha! Okay so you can ask me anything and I will answer truthfully and any point you want to stop you can say our safe word. You remember it?"
"Beast" we both started laughing it was a running joke between us.
Lauren.
I smiled and started off easy with her name and how old she was and she told me honestly. Asking her how long they were together was a little hurtful to hear. A year and 6 months. Dang. I took a deep breath and stay quiet for a few more minutes before I asked how long they were engaged. That part hurt me the most. I started tearing up. I told her I was done asking her questions. She asked if she could give me a hug and I said yes. We hugged for a long while. It was good for me to get it out. I have been holding it out for so long and I am so glad we got to do it in person.
Maybe more tomorrow :)
