"Cedric let's talk."
"There's nothing to talk about, Ella. If you're here to talk about what happened to us, then stop it." malamig na sagot niya sakin.
"Please, listen to me."
"Stay away! Can't you see?! I'm freaking busy and you're here to waste my time! Leave this room or do you want me to drag you out?!"
My eyes are aching to stop myself from crying and bruising this emotion in front of him. This is not important right now, I need to say it before I will regret it soon.
"Listen to me first. Listen to me, Cedric. I'm here to tell you something," I whispered with a shaking voice.
Please listen to me. Hear me out, please.
"Fuck that! I'm not interested in that something of yours. Can you just leave this frucking office? I don't want to hear those words, and I don't want to see you again!"
My body stopped when he shouted those words. Words that break me into pieces. I look at him with a bloodshot eyes.
I tried to hold his hand but he push my hand away.
My body is shaking because of the pain. And my tears began to roll down my cheeks. I saw how he came to halt, how his eyes changed with shock and pain too.
"L-leave! Don't cry infront of me! Your tears won't make make me change my mind!" mas masakit na tulak pa niya sakin.
My knees gave up. I kneeled in front of him with eyes that were covered with a lot of tears.
I'm crying loudly in front of him. I just wanted him to listen to me, if he heard it. I will let him decide if he still going to accept me or not. But for the time being, I wanted him to understand why I'm kneeling and pleading.
"I just wanted y-you.. to know that-"
"Tangina naman Ella! Alin ba sa salitang umalis ka na ang hindi mo maunawaan?! Sinabi nang umalis ka! Sinabi ko na sayo na kung ano man iyang sasabihin mo sakin ay hindi na mahalaga. Lahat sayo ay hindi importante, in the first place hindi ka naman talaga mahalaga sakin!" parang nabingi ako sa naging sigaw ni Cedric sakin.
Nanigas ako sa pagkakaluhod at parang may pumukpok sa ulo ko para magising ako sa katotohanan.
I look up with blazing eyes. I stood up. At walang sabi sabing tumalikod na papalayo sa kinabukasan ko.
I know this might cause big damage in the near future. But what can I do when he doesn't want to listen to me? I already pleaded, kneeled and cried to change his mind. I already brought my pride down and let him see how desperate I am right now.
Napahawak ako sa tiyan.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for this, baby.
What now Hiella?
Padausdos akong napaupo sa harap ng bahay namin nang nakarating na ako. Hindi ko pa namalayan kung paano ako nagbayad kanina ng pamasahe sa taxi dahil masyado akong lutang at tila puno na ang aking isipan.
"Ma'am Sherlyn! naku po tulungan ko na po kayo." rinig ko.
Pakla akong natawa nang makita si nanay Lina na tarantang nagtungo sakin para tulungan akong tumayo.
"Ano bang ginawa niyo dito Ma'am? Ang taas ng init nang araw tapos nandito kayo at naka salampak diyan." sabi nito.
Naluha ako nang magtama ang mga mata naming dalawa. Halata ang pagkalito at pagkagulat sa mata ni Nanay Lina nang makita niya akong lumuluha.
"Ayos lang po ba kayo Ma'am?"
I shook my head and let myself embrace her. Gusto kong ilabas lahat nang sakit na pasan ko ngayon. Gusto kong iluha lahat ngayon ito at pagkagising ko sana wala na. Na sana magising ako kinaumagahan na panaginip lang lahat nang pangyayaring ito. Na sana hindi ito nangyari, na sana hindi ako umasa na merong kami at merong ako sa mundo niya.
