Happiness Doesn't Wait

Abi

I can't stop thinking about him. Ugh! Why are you back?! I got over you! I was doing fine!

I scratch the back of my neck with unease as I move my meatballs around in my plate. My sister quietly looks up at me and raises her eyebrows at me. "Is everything alright?"

"No. He's back."

"Who?"

"Blake."

"What?! Oh my god. When?"

"He said about a week ago," I say with a roll of eyes. "Why would he come back?!"

"How do you know?" My sister takes her glasses off to reveal tired eyes, but she is still intrigued with my story.

I sigh at the memory of him. I want him. I hate him. Ugh. "He's one of my new bosses."

"What?!" This time Amy drops her fork and let's her mouth fall open in surprise. "Since when?!"

"Since yesterday, Amy!"

"Oh my god," she says while covering her mouth with her hand. "But...boss in what?"

"Like....a boss that looks over the place when Ryan is busy. So...kind of like Ryan's second."

"Oh wow."

"I know. This makes him even hotter, but what can I do? Text him and say, 'Hey cutie. Shove your booze up your--'"

"Alright. Relax," Amy says while lifting up a hand firmly. "I get it. You're angry at him."

I stay quiet despite of my boiling blood. I am very angry at him but....there is still that something that makes me fall for him every single time.

I met him when I was twenty one. I never really noticed him once I got back from Chicago and continued my studies here with my sister. He was in my speech class but I met him through a friend from work. Waitressing has always been my thing. That's where I had my first conversation with him.

He was a waiter and I always thought that he wasn't very good at his job. Yes. He had the hot smile and the gentle looks, but he is not a very good speaker. Conversation wise, if you ask me. Being a boss now....I guess it suits him well.

But the moment I first met him....it was like my heart was set on fire. Those brown eyes always burned through me and it made my whole body shiver. I immediately felt attracted to him, but....for some reason...with this guy I wasn't the same with all the others I've met. I kept my distance. I didn't really talk to him until he came up to me. I never told him that I fell in love with him the moment our eyes first saw each other.

Well. That doesn't matter now! So much for love at first sight! He left. I would've understood if he would have given me a reason. But he left for three years! Not even giving me a single word back. I tried texting, calling, emailing him, but I would never get a response back. I thought it was something I did, but....in the end....I don't wait too long. The longest I've waited for a guy was with Blake.

My heart aches to have him back. It aches because I'm so confused. I long for his hold. For his lips to meet mine, but I want to yell at him and slap him for what he's done to me. For breaking my heart once again...

Only my sister understands the magnitude of this situation. She was there all those nights I cried for him. So I watch as her genius mind gets to work and she puts a few fingers up her chin in thought. "You know," she says to me. "What if you go up to him and ask what happened?"

I scoff at this despite how much my heart wants me to do this. "Are you kidding? He already tried and I pushed him away."

Amy rolls her eyes at me. "Why did you push him away? You should've at least listened! It's not like you were going to go back with him. All you have to do is listen."

I'm afraid that if I let him talk to me, I might fall for him again. I might push his words aside and obey my heart at tasting his lips. I do a small groan of frustration and let my head fall on my arm on the table. "This is so difficult."

"No it isn't. You make it difficult on yourself." My sister takes another bite of her food and smiles at me.

"Yes it is," I say to her. "You just don't understand..."

"Yes I do."

"Oh really?" I playfully say to her as I point my fork at her. "How so?"

"It's easy to see it," she says with a smirk. I raise my eyebrows at her from the sudden attitude she's taken over from me. "You still like him if you're afraid to talk to him."

"Shut up," I say angrily. My sister giggles and I roll my eyes at her. "Stop that!"

"What?! It's true then! Why get nervous to talk to him if you only need to listen?"

"Because--"

"Because what?"

"Let me talk!"

"Okay!"

I do a small chuckle at her and shrug. "I don't know honestly. Okay fine. Deep down I wish I can just....go back to where we were, but....I'm still angry at him."

"That seems reasonable," Amy says with a small smile. "He made you cry a lot with his departure. I remember..."

"Yes. And you were there. Do you understand what I'm going through?"

I soften my expression as my sister gives me an understanding nod. She may not have had a large amount of boyfriends up her corner like I have, but she's always been at my corner. Apart from that she's very observative and smart, she is much more caring than I am.

She takes a hold of my hand from across the table and gives me that look I know that she will give me her share of wisdom now. But I pay attention this time as she softly says, "Abi. Perhaps if you listen...maybe you won't regret it. I remember that day he left, but..I also remember every single day before that. He loved you and you for once....had steady feet and let your recklessness to the side for him. He was a good man. I don't think he would have done that without a good reason. I'm not justifying him!" She stops to give me a small smile; careful to make me angry. "But I think that he was...something special for you. You should let him explain himself."

I do a small chuckle at these words. For the first time, I agree with my sister's wisdom. I am and was crazy in love with him. So crazy that I seriously changed a lot for him. I would observe that whenever we'd be at college parties, he was the type to just softly talk with others and walk around. One night, I decided to walk with him and I loved the peace. I realized then that I loved this side of him. He took out the best part of me.

So I give my sister a small nod and go back to my plate quietly. Maybe....I could listen. Just for a bit. Maybe he isn't like the rest of them. Maybe he isn't like my mother that only left a sorry on a sticky note and never came back.

At least he came back....