Happiness Doesn't Wait

Abi

This is why I don't go to church. I don't understand God. If He is so good and just, then why does He let good people go through the worst things?

When I heard the news about Ms. Tavares's leukemia, I was left in shock. I forgot about everything. My hunger. Exhaustion. Cam. Bills. My work. It all floated away as those words echoed around me.

I could see this same shock on Blake's tender face. He quietly let his tears fall out and I knew he did not hear the rest of Clarke's words as she explained procedures. When we numbly walked up to her room, my heart broke at seeing her so weak on that hospital bed. I can only imagine what went through Blake's head. He just lost his father and now this.

This is why God and I aren't at the best terms.

It's been a hard week for him. I can see it. At work, he usually likes to interact with the customers like every other waiter but in the past few days, he has been inside his office all day. I sometimes walk by with a cup of coffee or a small plate of food, but he never touches it. He doesn't even acknowledge me. I get it. Those news can be as devastating as watching your mother leave without a reason.

But there are other things up my alley more often. I've been observing how my body is oddly reacting to November winter. I usually get really sick by midway November, but now I'm just really hunger. I tend to puke my guts out at this time, but now I'm shoving anything I can find in the kitchen. Well. What does it matter if I do gain some weight? I don't look that bad. In fact, one day I was looking at myself in the mirror and noticed a little bit of bloating. I shook my head at this and preferred to just go to work instead of worrying.

Then there's work. Apart from Blake's quiet mourning, there's Cam I have to worry about. He still seems to avoid me and it hurts. I don't know why it does. I tend to let him go whenever he gets a bit angry at me. He always comes back! But now he is not coming back and I have tried to interact with him. When fellow coworkers would talk by the snack bar, he'd be among them and I would stand across from him. Whenever they'd start to make jokes, I'd make my own that only he gets. I expect for him to react like he always does, but all he does is look away.

So I've quit on Cam. If he wants to talk to me, he can come to me. I won't beg for his forgiveness anymore. Today, I didn't see Blake come to the restaurant. I quickly send a small text reminding him that I'm thinking of him and start with my day. We have another special guest and Ryan asked me to take care of them all day. They really are quite demanding and I don't find a break to stop my hunger. Once they leave, I run to the snack bar and try to quiet down my stomach until I get home.

As I finish off my protein bar, I hear soft steps coming up to me. I turn to see Cam with his hands shoved in the pockets of his suit pants. My heart jumps with excitement to his arrival, but I lean on the small table and cross my arms on my chest. I give him a stern look as he says, "So....I heard about your proposal. I guess that's why you bailed on me, yeah?" He does a nervous chuckle and scratches the back of his neck.

"I tried telling you and you wouldn't listen." He does a small nod and his eyes immediately falls on my fingers. His eyes have a sad shine when he finds my ring and I do a small sigh. "I would never ditch you, Cam. You're my best friend. And I love you for it."

Cam's anger crosses on his expression when I say this and I realized that I've used the wrong words. But he shrugs it off and gives me a small smile instead. The first one in weeks. A smile of my own slowly starts at my lips and I open my arms for him to hug me. Cam does a chuckle and takes a hold of me without hesitation.

I smile against his shoulder. It's been a long time since we've been this close. But I don't feel the same way I feel when I hug Blake. With Cam, I feel like I'm hugging my brother.

"Gosh. I've missed you," he says to me.

I pull away and give him a small punch on his arm. "That's your fault! You are such an idiot!"

"But!" he says as he points at me. "You owe me a night out, Abigail."

I roll my eyes at him as I take a bag of chips. "Yeah yeah. I know. I'll see when I'm free. I have a busy schedule this week so I might have a few complications."

"Then how about I pass by your place? I'll bring the booze and you put on a pretty dress."

I let my eyes grow wide at this. "You do realize that I'm going to get married, right? Quit it, dude."

Cam laughs at this, but I can see that sadness again. He's good at hiding it as he nods and says, "Then I'll go for your sister. She's as hot as you are."

"Ha. I don't think so. I've seen her go out very pretty lately and I think it's with your friend."

"Harry?!" I nod and Cam shakes his head. "Why does it always happen to me? Why can't I have a pretty girlfriend like all my friends?"

"Because you don't think out of the box, Cam. There's more fish in the ocean." I start towards the kitchen again for my last shift and Cam quickly follows behind. I missed his following steps.

"But what kind of fish are we talking about?"

We share a laugh at this and separate paths to get to our customers. We give each other small smiles from across the room and I have one less weight off my shoulders knowing that I have my best friend back.

By the end of the day, I pass by Blake's office just in case he may have come over when I was too busy to notice. But it's empty and I do a sad sigh. He hasn't even looked at my texts.

"Is it true?"

I turn around to Ryan's voice behind me. I give him a respectful smile and say, "About what?"

"About his mother." I can see that sadness he has for his friend and I give him a nod. Ryan does a sad sigh and shakes his head. "Life can turn you upside down, right?"

"Mhm."

"Some of us are ready for it. We expect it. But others....it hits us like a hard blow in the stomach. No one prepared us for any of it."

I agree to this. I've gone through and done all too many things to flip my life upside down. I'm too embarrassed to even think of it and if I do, it'll just break me all over again. I've gotten myself together for once. I can't let it all fall apart now. So I convince myself that I'm ready. That life will eventually turn me upside down, but I'm ready for it.

What else could go wrong? What else do you have for me, God?