Happiness Doesn't Wait

Abi

I quickly take the goldfish from the snacks aisle and happily get to the cash register. I feel like I'm ten years old again as I anxiously drive back home to get to my mother. She said she was preparing some tea so we could have some time together.

Amy has been all up in my time with mom. Finally, she has the night shift tonight or...I think she had something to do with Harry. I don't know. She didn't really specify, and I didn't really listen when my heart jumped with joy at the thought that I would finally be alone with my mom.

I enter my apartment and smile at my mother looking through the cupboards for tea. She raises her eyebrows at me and says, "You shouldn't be driving! How do you even fit?"

I giggle at this as I show her my treat. "I couldn't let a tea pass without goldfish crackers."

My mother gives me a tender smile and gives my bouncing belly a rub. "Well. We can start our small tea party when I find the tea..." I open a cupboard and tip toe to reach for the box of teas. I hand it to her and she chuckles. "There you are." She then looks at me and says, "Why don't you wait for me at the sofa, honey? You must be tired from work."

"Well. Blake has done this system for me to do. Whenever I get tired at my feet, which is often, I go sit at a table and note down everyone that walks in. So I'm not that tired anymore."

"I like that Blake. He seems like he's going to be a good father."

"A handsome chef, too," I say as I pop a goldfish in my mouth. "His food is amazing and he already has a little fan."

I put a hand on my belly and my mother laughs. "Well. I can't wait to try some of his plates."

When Blake met my mother for the first time, I was excited. I was ready to show off my fiance and tell her how much I loved him. She could tell by the moment she saw my shining eyes. Blake, like always, was so sophisticated and polite with her as he answered her questions. She really liked him by the end of the visit. She said that I was lucky with him. I agreed with her. Like I teasingly tell Blake, "He is the best mistake I've ever made." This made my mother laugh.

But now I enjoy my mother alone as she gently puts a cup in front of me at the living room, and puts a few cookies in the middle. I also add a few goldfish on top of them and she playfully pops one in her mouth.

I observe her as she takes a drink of her tea. She still looks the same, but older. The same almond eyes with Amy's gentle smile. Her eyes shine recklessly all the time and her hair is a light brown color like mine, but it has a few white hairs here and there. My heart melts at the sight of my mother again. I can't believe how much I've missed her. I can't believe how much my heart stopped me from enjoying her.

She's tried telling me what happened to her when she was gone, but I always tell her that I don't want to know. I already know enough and I don't need to know more. What matters is here and now.

My mother smiles at my belly and says, "Have you and Blake thought of a name yet?"

"I did mention it to him, but he was too busy playing with this young man, so he didn't really respond back."

My mother does a small chuckle and nods. "It's hard to resist it. That baby is so playful that even I fall for the those little kicks."

"Little?!" I playfully say and we share a laugh. "Those kicks bruise my ribs sometimes."

My mother's eyes grow distant as I take a sip of my tea. "You're going to be a wonderful mother. I already know it..."

"You really think so?" My fearful look reminds my mother of the story I told her about my abortion. She asked me one day, and so I told her everything. I ended up crying at the end, but her quiet hug was all I ever needed.

So my mother's eyes grow soft when I say this and gently says, "Honey. Your past mistakes don't define who you will be in the future."

"I just....I don't want to be--"

"You're going to be a great mother. I can see it. With every kick you feel and every mention of that silly little boy, your eyes shine happily. Only a good mother has that shine. It's the same shine you have whenever Blake is around."

I let a small smile start at my lips. She's right. I love this baby. I love every aspect of him and I can't wait to keep learning about him. I can't wait to hold him. To kiss his soft cheeks. I can't wait to hear his laughter or his voice. My heart flies at the thought of my son, and I put a loving hand on my jerking belly. I know he can feel it, too.

"Plus!" my mother says this time. "That boy is going to be very spoiled! He has his grandma! He has his father and my god, that father is crazy for that boy." I laugh at this and my cheeks warm up with the thought of Blake's happiness for my baby. "And he even has a best friend which is....what was his name again?"

I believe she's talking about Cam. He also came a while ago to meet her when I invited him for a drink. That's when I learned that he's talking with this girl at the aquarium by the coastal side of the city. Though, I wasn't very convinced about his excitement to talk to her. He didn't have that reckless shine in those dark blue eyes when he talked about her.

But my mother seemed to have liked him. I was surprised he was actually polite and professional with her, instead of the idiot I tend to see at work. But she says this because when he came over, he had a huge bundle of flowers for my mother and a small toy car for my little man.

So I give my mother a small chuckle and say, "You must mean Cam. Yes. I know. His name is pretty weird. Maybe because he's Australian."

"Oh! Really? I thought he was British."

I laugh at this. "No, mom! He's Australian."

"Ah okay. Well yes. Him, too. Amy as well. Your little boy has a huge support system and now...I'm here, too. For whatever you need, honey. I'm not going anywhere..."

My heart melts at these words. These are the words I've always wanted to hear all these years, and now they're here. I give my mother a tender smile and rub at my happy belly for what's to come.

Amy's right. God is good.

My thoughts are interrupted as I hear a my phone ring. I gently stand up to get my phone that I left on the kitchen counter. I furrow my brows at the unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Is this Abigail Lim?"

"This is she. Who am I speaking with?"

I recognize that noise in the back. I hear it all the time when I call my sister when she's at work. They're calling me from the hospital. Did they lose Amy or something? Dang girl. Chill with Mister Harry! You have lives to save, too!

But the somber voice of the man on the other end brings worry to my heart as he says, "I'm calling on behalf of Miss Lim's emergency contacts. You are the only one here. This is the police department calling from the hospital."

Police department? Is Amy really a drug dealer or something? "Yes. I'm her sister," I say.

"Then I would like to inform you that Miss Lim has gotten into a terrible accident. There were three people at the sight, but we only have two at the hospital."

My heart drops and I look at my mother with wide eyes. Worry immediately crosses on her face as she starts to get up from the couch.

"I'm afraid you will have to come by the hospital as soon as possible, Miss Lim. There has been a death at the scene...."