Happiness Doesn't Wait

Abi

Blake stayed with me on the night of George's birthday party. I wasn't able to find any sleep from all of my screaming thoughts in my head. But it's seems as if he felt that I was not okay as he knocked on my door ten minutes after dropping me off. I finally found sleep when his arms enveloped me in bed.

But when I was awoken with a strong hunger pain, I found myself alone in the dark. I did a sad sigh with only the sound of the wind outside and my growling belly. I put a hand on my small bump and thought of everything that my cousin said to me. Could they be true?

Yet, my stomach rumbled loudly and I preferred to get food first. No wonder I'm starving. I barely ate anything at that birthday party. When I stepped out, my sister was just getting ready to leave for work. She smiled at me and said, "Late night snacks?"

"Something a little more than a snack," I said as my stomach growled angrily at me. "I barely ate anything at the party."

"Mmkay," she said as she looked at her watch. "Hey. What happened? Why did you leave early?"

I thought at that moment as I was making myself a peanut butter sandwich whether I should tell her the truth or I should lie to her.

But my broken heart went ahead and opened up to her as I told her everything at the table. Her expression fell, and regret shined in her eyes for not being there for me. But I reassured her that I was alright despite how much she wanted to kill our cousin.

And I did feel better by the end of the week. The holiday season lightens up anybody's mood, and I slowly stepped in my fifth month of pregnancy as well just as my belly is getting bigger.

Those words and dangerous thoughts keep haunting me along my day though. Blake tries everything to put a smile on my face, but there was only one thing that made me forget my sadness.

I was at a break during work and I was eating some chips. I watched how Cam and Maddox were carrying a few boxes from our new supplies at the back truck. Then, out of nowhere, I felt a small swishing feeling inside of my belly. At first I thought I was nervous for no reason, but then it turned into the lightest touch of a finger on skin.

I stopped eating and I put a hand on the part I felt this flutter. Then it goes again and my heart flew just as fast as I flew to Blake's office.

"Blake!" I said with a wide smile. "Blake! I think it moved!"

Blake looked up from whatever he was doing and lost all concentration when I said this. "What? Really?" He immediately stood up and went over to touch my belly. I moved his hand towards the middle where I felt the flutter. I smiled up at him and said, "Well? Do you feel it?"

Blake's expression fell. "No..."

My stomach started to growl but I ignored it as I clicked my tongue in frustration. "Well. It's not much. It's just like a light touch and a flutter. It's gone now."

Blake chuckled happily and rubbed my small belly affectionately. "Well. I can't wait to feel all of those powerful kicks." He put a kiss on my lips and we went back to our work. The rest of the day, I smiled at the feeling of those flutters within me.

In two days from today, it will be Christmas. I'm not in the mood to get together with my family again, but at least I'll spend Christmas Eve with Blake and his mother. My sister got invited to a dinner with Harry on that night after work.

I sit in Blake's car as we make our way to the clinic. He's been jumpy all day. This is his first time going to an ultrasound with me, and today we will know it's gender.

Nerves threaten to come based on the memories of my first pregnancy. I still haven't told Blake about that. I need to tell him soon before it's too late...

We enter the clinic and Blake happily takes my hand the whole time we wait. Though he wipes his clammy hands on his pants and he also seems to find something to calm his nervous mind.

I watch all of this from the corner of my eye as I flip through a magazine. When he nervously clears his throat, I close the magazine and say to him, "Blake. I don't know why you're so nervous. It's just an ultrasound."

"Not just any ultrasound," Blake softly says to me. "It's the ultrasound of my baby, and it's my first."

I chuckle at this as I take a drink from my water bottle. "You will just hear a lot of information from the doctor and then it's the heartbeat."

"How does it sound like?" Blake's eyes shine when he says this and I give him a smirk.

"You'll see when we get there." He groans at my suspense and I softly giggle at this.

When we're finally in the room, it's the usual talk with Doctor Aaron and her student. How's my appetite. Any pain. Any discomfort. How much do I work. How's my emotional state. As we talk and Aaron gives me her facts, Blake carefully listens to everything. He doesn't miss a beat.

Now I find myself laying on the bed and craving for fish tacos. I quietly wait for them to put on that really cold gel on my belly and I look up at the screen. Blake stands curious by my side. His eyes narrowed with concentration.

When the baby finally comes on, I'm surprised to hear loud and strong heartbeats in the room. What's even more surprising is how big it looks on the screen. A smile starts at my lips and I look up to see Blake's reaction.

He watches and listens to all of this with awe. His eyes wide when he sees the baby on the screen and he says to Aaron, "Is that it's heartbeat?"

"Yes sir," she says with her kind smile.

"It's so fast," he says with a happy scoff.

"That means that it's healthy," the student says with a gentle smile of her own.

"Cool, isn't it?" I say to Blake.

He doesn't look away from the screen as his eyes threaten to water. "It's amazing..."

"Ready for the big reveal?" Aaron says to us. I take a nervous hold of Blake's hand. My heart pounds in my chest as he nods at her.

The last time I was pregnant, I was all alone at this part. Guilt didn't even meet eye to eye with me until I realized that I killed the same little girl I saw on that screen.

My heart now wants to shrink at these memories, but I stay strong for this moment. For this baby. For Blake...

Aaron turns the screen towards her and the student. They observe it for a long while until they both exchange smiles and say, "Congratulations! You're having a baby boy!"

And my world stops.

Their cheers and Blake's happy voice drowns out as I listen to its heartbeat. I look back the screen with a baby in it. A baby boy...

I cover my mouth and try to hold in a sob. But despite of how much I try, my tears fall out and Blake wraps a strong arm around me to comfort me.

I don't need comfort anymore because happiness is the only thing I feel now. No more sadness. No more guilt. It all floats away in this moment as my eyes take in the baby boy in front of me.

My heart is still sensitive as I step out of the clinic. I hold onto Blake's hand with a smile and look out the window. All the Christmas lights remind me of the hope everyone talks about at this time of the year.

At last, I understand what they mean.

My other hand finds my small bump as I start to feel flutters come to life inside of me. Blake squeezes my hand affectionately and smiles as he looks at the road. I know that we are both thinking the same thing now.

This moment was the best Christmas gift we could have ever had...