Happiness Doesn't Wait

Blake

I look down at an old photograph I found from the last time I visited my father. We had fun reconstructing a part at his restaurant and I never thought that two years later, he'd be dead.

I let out a sigh and shake my head. If only I would've known that I'd be here.

It's been quite the week. Apart from preparations for our Thanksgiving party, my mother is finally back home from her first round of chemo. I visit her everyday after work and I found out that I can't look after her. I needed to put some relief to my nerves whenever I left her house. So I decided to pay a nurse to look after her. She's so weak, her legs sometimes tremble if standing too long.

I've liked the nurse. I actually know her from the facility. I've seen her around the hospital as well. I thank Carol for her help everyday, but the company she works for has made me stay late at work. I need to find any way to get more money. Now it isn't just hospital bills, but also the nurse. I'm thinking of using my father's money for my mother instead.

Then there's work. I can't help but keep wondering about Abi. I haven't had a full conversation with her in over a week. I miss her so much. But I'm not the type to pressure a woman. Especially Abi. I've let her have her space and I even talked to my mother about it. What she told me was that I should gently approach her in another way. She may have something important for me but she's just afraid to say it. So I've tried my best to show her that I'm not the type to get angry or judge her. She should know this. Although, sometimes we have to be reminded of things.

So I've given her my loving eyes sometimes. I've given her my warm smiles that she loves so much. I've given her winks and I've even blown kisses at her, and she still just avoids my eyes! Women can be very complicated sometimes.

But I've been too exhausted to worry about it now. With so many things going on in my head, I seriously need a vacation.

I let out a tired sigh as I sit at my desk. I sit back and let the seat turn a little as I close my eyes with exhaustion. My door is slightly open a little and when I open my eyes, I can see the glimpse of familiar wavy brown hair.

My heart jumps as I recognize Abi's voice talking to Cam. She used to peek her head inside whenever she had the chance to, but now she just walks past my office.

Without thinking twice, I get up from my seat and walk towards her. When Cam turns the corner, I run up to her and take her by the wrist. "Hey!"

She's surprised at first from my grab, but her expression softens when she sees it's me. "Hey."

I wait for her to tip toe to reach for my lips, but she starts to fidget nervously like she's been doing lately with me. Her eyes try their best to avoid my eyes and hurt crosses at my heart from this. "Abi? Are you avoiding me?"

"What?!" she says with surprise. "Me? Avoiding you!? Nah. I'm just..." Her eyes look for an escape and I can clearly see how bad she is at lying to me.

"Abi," I gently say to her. "Abi, what's wrong? Is everything alright? Is something going on?"

"Um...no," she nervously says. "Everything's okay. I was just--"

"Hey! It's your break, right? How about we get something to drink? Or even to eat?"

"Um...." Her eyes search frantically for an escape. I just give her a smile. I don't know what else to do now. But then Cam passes by and her face brightens up at his passing by. "Cam! We're going to get something to drink during our break. Right?"

"Uhhhh..." Cam looks at me and then at Abi. I can see from the corner of my eyes how Abi gestures for him to go along, and I realize that maybe Abi isn't the only one part of the change.

My heart turns heavy as he quickly says, "Uh yeah! We are! We're gonna....get some....drinks..."

He nervously scratches the back of his neck and Abi smiles up at me. "See? I'm busy."

"Oh," I sadly say. She can see my pain, and sadness runs through those pretty eyes when she sees my hurt. But she stays silent as I say, "Well then....I guess I can join you two!" I give her a wide smile and she shakes her head.

"No. No, Blake. No. It's just the two of us. Plus. You must be busy. With your mom and everything..."

At these words, my heart is stabbed and I take a step back. I furrow my brows at her and I can see her regret shine in her eyes. I let out a sad sigh and nod at her with understanding. "Okay then. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just...I miss you."

"Uhhh. Can I leave?" Cam says in between us. Abi and I look at him angrily and we both say at the same time, "Yes!"

Once he's gone, Abi lets her shoulders fall and I can see that hint of her heart ready to open up to me. She takes a deep breath and I can see how her mind is in a dilemma. Her eyes studying me on whether I'm worthy to know what's bothering her.

But then she closes down again and only gives me a sad nod. "Okay. I'll see you later then, Blake." My heart shrinks at the way she speaks to me and I don't understand why she's holding herself back.

But I let her be as she sadly walks off. I look at Cam and see how he waits for her to walk with her.

I suddenly wonder if my love isn't enough for her. I wonder if her happiness is complete with me. Or does she need her best friend to fill her empty heart? Am I not enough?