memories; yeonbin

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November 28, 2021

Dear Soobin,

I love you.

I hate myself for not saying this to you often, I never appreciated you, maybe that's why you left me.

Taehyun visited me yesterday after you left. He had brought chocolate cake for us. Your favourite.

But instead, he stayed over all night, trying to make me sleep, though you know that I can't sleep without you.

Damn, I can't do anything without you.

It's been less than a day since you left me, and it already feels like ages.

I'm wondering, what wrong did I do?

What did I do that made you leave me?

Was I not enough for you?

Did you like someone else?

All the hugs, the kisses, were they all...

Fake?

Perhaps I wasn't enough for you. You are so pretty, why would you ever date someone as ugly as me anyway?

But if that's the case, then, why didn't you reject me in the first go?

Did you just play with my feelings?

The Soobin I knew was an angel.

Angels don't play with human's feelings, do they?

Anyway, you might be wondering why I'm writing this to you. These won't ever even reach you. If you remember, you forgot my birthday after we first started dating, and in a rush you bought me a notebook and a pen.

I'm writing this in the same notebook and I'm writing this with the same pen you got me. Taehyun asked me to write down my feelings as a coping mechanism.

I'm sitting on your side of the bed, which I know you don't like, but I can't help it. I miss you so much,Soobin.

The sheets smell like you.

The pillow smells like you.

The couch smells like you.

The kitchen smells like you.

Everything I look at in the house reminds me of you.

I don't want to remember you.

Because you only remember what is forgotten.

I don't want to forget you just yet.

- your Yeonjun hyung