memories; yeonbin

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December 26, 2021 

Dear Soobin,

I've decided, Bin. It's been almost a month since you left me. Though even I know that I can't live without you, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to move on from you.

Just like you did. I don't know how this was so easy for you, maybe it was because I wasn't good enough for you or whatever, but this going to me very tough for me.

I never thought there would be a day when I'd want to move on from you.

Move on from my lifeline.

Anyway, how are you doing these days?

I just hope that you're in a better condition than I am. I don't want you to suffer because of anything. If anyone or anything is making you suffer, tell me and I'll throw them out of your life.

Even if it means throwing myself out of your life.

I love you, Soobin. And I always will. Regardless of whatever I say.

I can hear your voice in my head right now. It's still nice and crisp, like I heard it just yesterday. I can hear you say 'I love you,hyung' in most shy manner. 

But did you ever mean that, Soobin?

Did you ever even love me, Soobin?

Was I dumb to believe that you actually loved me?

I'm sorry, I wont throw more questions at you, I'll go now, my head hurts from all the crying and thinking. I love you, Binnie, take care of yourself for me. I hope you're happy in life.

-your Yeonjun hyung