memories; yeonbin

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November 29, 2021

Dear Soobin,

It's 3 am.

Why am I missing you so much?

I can't do this, Soobin.

I can't pretend that I've stopped loving you, because no, I'll never stop loving you till I die. No, I'll love you even in my after life.

I can't pretend to be strong in front of Taehyun and Beomgyu, who keep asking me about you.

Kai has seemed to distanced himself from me. Is it because you left? Is it because I was incompetent to keep you happy? Is it because I ate mint ice cream the other day without telling you?

I'm sorry Soobin.

I knew I shouldn't have eaten something you don't like, but don't take revenge on me like this. I need you, Soobin, I can't even walk a step without you.

I haven't got up from my bed in two whole days, Soobin.

Kai seems to know something which I don't, and he isn't willing to talk to me either. I think he blames me for your decision.

I mean, who doesn't?

I blame myself too, Soobin. If I wasn't so busy drowning in your love, I would have realised that you didn't love me anymore.

But I didn't. I didn't sense it, I didn't do anything about it and I stayed selfish to myself, not caring about you.

But Soobin, you could have atleast told me what was wrong.

A slight hint would have done, Binnie.

Maybe you did give me a hint and I was oblivious to it. But please come back, I can't live without you.

The house looks so big without you.

I feel so small without you.

Soobin, I need you, I want you.

I want you to lovingly run your fingers through my hair and put me to sleep. I want to hold hands with you whenever I'm around. I want to back hug you whenever you're in the kitchen. Fuck, I want to kiss you whenever you're rambling too much, I want to bicker around with you. I want you back, Soobin.

Even if it isn't in the form of my boyfriend.

Please come back, Soobin, you're the light of my life.

- your Yeonjun hyung