innocent | HHJ + SRJ

44

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S H I N  R Y U J I N

when i woke up mom checked my temperature and it finally went down, back to normal. when i came back to my room fortunately it's clean already but i can still feel the trash's aura so i still sprayed lysol everywhere. since my temperature's normal again mom kept on telling me that i should go to school tomorrow but i still don't want to so after doing some water works she finally allowed me to stay home.

jeongin and jisu came by to check up on me. they also told me things that happened at school, just to keep me up to date. jeongin, like the best best friend he is, shared his notes with me too. they didn't stayed long since they have some things to attend to. then i was alone again. my life is so boring.

as i snuggle in my bed my mind wander around what happened today. what the fuck was he trying to do? skipping classes to check up on me? he's a jerk. i bet he's trying to wrap me around his fingers again. damn it, never! i would never make the same mistake again!

isn't he ashamed of himself? after playing with my feelings he's going to apologize. does he really think an apology can make it up for the bullshit he's done? no matter how many times he apologize i won't forgive his ass.

i flinched when i suddenly felt something wet dripping on my right ear. i immediately sit up and tried to dry my ear with my fingers. i traced the wet trail from my right ear and end up at the side of my right eye. what the fuck am i doing? why am i crying again? didn't i cry enough already?

i let out a long breath full of frustration and wiped the tears off of my face. my breathing became loud as i try to calm myself and stop the tears from coming. all of a sudden my heart started beating loudly in my ears. fuck, here we go again.

" please... " i breath out, my voice coming out as hoarse and throaty. i sniffed and grab my blanket tightly before pressing it to my face.

" ...i'm so tired already " i said through my blanket, my tears and sweat sipping in the fabric.

why me? why does it have to be me? why am i the one chosen to feel this shit? why? does the universe not care about me and how i would feel? don't fucking tell me this is just a challenge in life, a challenge that i can overcome, because i fucking can't!

i can't anymore. this is why i hate change. i changed and tried to be a nicer person. i changed and opened my eyes on what is really out there. i changed and focussed on the people around me too. i changed mostly because of the things i realized after getting to know him better. i changed because of him to gain his trust, to make him like me. i changed but this is what i get in the end.

i stayed silent for a moment. letting my tears stop, my breathing calm down and my heart to go back at its normal pace. what exactly am i doing? this is so not me.

a long breath left my lips as i made sure that my cheeks are finally dry. be calm ryujin, be calm. i am so tired, so that means i don't really have any more time and energy to cry and weep again. also, i think i've cried enough already. it's not like anything will happen if i cry more, so just stop.

i let out another breath, this time i'm finally calm. i threw everything bothering me away. it doesn't matter anymore, what's done is done, and the only thing i can do is to move forward. alright, now i can sleep well.

×××

my weekend sucks, like big time. last saturday the trash, again, found its way to my house. luckily this time he didn't dare to climb my window because i swear if he did... you know what will happen. he doesn't really need to climb my window since when mother told me that hyunjin's in our living room, i went there to see him.