innocent | HHJ + SRJ

27

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S H I N  R Y U J I N

" you're the one who's supposed to be mad? heck! i wasn't even your friend! "

i stayed silent. the darkness of her eyes scared the shit out of me. it's like she'll pounce at me in any minute. and her voice, it's full of rage.

" at first you're very nice, warm and pretty. you talked to me all day, and i knew, that summer will be the best one in my whole life " she started, a sarcastic smile on her lips.

" we spent everyday hanging with each other. i never felt so close with my cousin ever, but because of you i became closer with him and all of his and your friends. I was so happy! i thought, finally i found my friends. then you'll always come by and we'll always talk about anything possible. i told you everything, you listened to me well. but you never told me everything, you're very secretive. i thought you're like that as a person but i found out, you only do that on me.

" you tell jisu and yeji about all your secrets. even the boys knew, while i sat on the you-don't-deserve-to-know corner. you half heartedly treated me like a friend while i... i honestly gave you mine! i wanted to be your friend, so even though i know you aren't that honest with me, i still stick with you. i thought, you just maybe needed more time to be able to trust me fully. i do everything you do, buy things you'll like, say things you'll understand.

" i studied your every move. from the way you speak, eat, write your notes or even when you giggle because of some dumb guy. before i could even stop it, i already knew, i was screwed. shit! i was obsessed with you "

she stopped talking, avoiding my eyes and staring hardly at the floor. i on the other hand, i can't move. i feel like i became ice, i froze. hearing all this from her kind of made sense. jisu would always tell me that she thinks jungseo is creepy, and she'll always question why she is always following me around. i just brush her off that time since i know jungseo is my friend.

that's why i never told her about it. i think it's nonsense and it might hurt her feelings or cause a quarrel between her and jisu. i didn't know she'll take it as me not treating her like a real friend. i like her a lot, we always have things to talk about and she's also fun to be with.

" i followed you everywhere and stalked all your social media accounts. i hate it when you go to parties without me so i'll go there too and you don't even look surprised when you see me! if it wasn't for me, your parents would have known that you were already drinking when you were just fourteen. but i was your friend and i don't want you to be grounded so i kept it a secret! i protected you! because... because- " her voice crack and she wipe a tear on her cheek and looked at me with a strong demeanor.

" because i love you "

i didn't gasp, but i heard someone gasp. I realize it was someone from hera or gaeun, or maybe both. i was surprised. i didn't know that's how she feel. i never thought she'll feel like that.

" heck! when i found out about it i want to freaking kill myself! because if i didn't, my mom would. i'll be a disgrace to the family! so i tried stopping myself, i dated different guys, at the age of fourteen i wasn't a virgin anymore because i was willing to do all just to get it out of me. but i can't! i can't stop it! it's already there, it's always been there! i don't just want you to be my friend, i want more than that! i want all of you. that's why i gave you everything i have, because i love you and i was hoping you'll love me too "