hey rockstar

seventy eight ; not yet

The following weeks in the house are quiet. Tenley has to sit through extra meetings during the day to discuss her plan for teaching and why she thinks it benefits her to still be on digital staff, as well as progress reports for students. I attempt to leave her alone, attending more protests and staying longer. I can hear her stress as she mumbles to herself early in the morning. And the random tantrums she throws when something small happens. I feel bad for her, watching the stress pile on and the terror that she could lose her job simply because she doesn't want to be home right now, and flying puts her at a big risk.

"So, you got her a ring yeah? Is it done yet?" Michael smiles sitting beside me on the street. Protesting is still strong even a few weeks later, less loud and more bored because this shouldn't still be happening.

"I did. Mum should be able to pick it up soo, I think I'm gonna send Simone to look."

"I think she'll like it..."

"I hope so," I sigh hanging my head. "How's the wedding?"

"Lots of changes in plans but, it's going. She's been dress shopping forever. I can't wait for her to be done and just pick one already."

"You know you love her.."

"I do. But i mean, it's just a dress."

"Not to here, this is a big dress that she's only going to wear once and keep forever."

"That's true, do you think it will be crazy for a wedding?"

"I don't think so. I mean I could kind of see us eloping almost."

"You wouldn't dare?" Ashton hopes in, dragging Luke with him both of them shocked.

"Cal, you love, love. You would absolutely rock a wedding. It would be the best thing ever. Think about it? And maybe she wants a big wedding?"

"I don't think so. She's pretty laid back."

"Weddings are so different though. This could be the one thing she takes like three years to plan."

"She wouldn't."

"Well, are you gonna help plan? It's kind of fun but also kind of hard."

"I would, weddings are nice."

"And who's the best man?"

"Alright, calm down. I haven't proposed."

"But when you do."

"Maybe she won't say yes?"

"Are you kidding me? If she doesn't I will."

"Jesus you guys are dramatic."

"Well come on, this is the most in love and happy I've seen you forever."

"I wish she was the same.."

"You know she's only stressed because of the thing going down with work right? It's not your fault."

"I know but I can't help and I wish i could."

"You'll get used to it, promise."

"THis better only happens once. This morning she was trying to male coffee and pressed the wrong button and like, threw a tantrum? But all she did was throw her head back and sigh aggressively. She looked like she was gonna cry."

"Maybe you should do something nice for her?"

"I guess I could. She was supposed to have flown back home this week..."

"What now?"

"She didn't tell you guys?" they shake their heads. "She got the okay to go home again but she denied it."

"What the fuck for?"

"Me I guess."

"That's so cute I wanna throw up."

"Was it bad that she did that?"

The shrug and I sigh. How am I supposed to feel better if we don't know if it was a good or bad decision? Like yes she's here with me but at the same time, she's fighting with the school and with parents about their seniors having online classes.

"Make her a picnic again, she loved it the last time you did it right?"

"Yeah she did..but isn't it cliche to do it again like what's gonna be different?"

"I don't know man. She's your girlfriend, and she loves you for some reason."

"Thanks asshat."

But i think about it. The way she feels right now is probably worse than anything And relaxing even if it's something we've done before would probably make her feel better. Maybe it'll bring her mood down from..whatever it is now.

Everything in the world right now seems to be out of wack and hard for everyone to process and settle with. And of course, in typical 2020 fashion Tenley is living away from her life she's built for herself over the last 6 years - away from her new family and a god daughter. From students whom she loves and she's fighting for a job she doesn't even know if she really wants to keep anymore.

How am I supposed to make things better for her? 

"Hey," Ash leans over my shoulder smiling softly at me. He has this kind softspot for her after their little connection earlier this year. It's nice to see everyone actually like the girl I love.

"Hey Man."

"Maybe, and just hear me out. you do it early?"

"Sorry?"

"Propose early. I mean it would probably make her feel better, or at least happier. And it sure would brighten up the rest of the year yeah?"

"I mean yeah but, I don't have the ring and.. what if-"

"She won't say no. I know that you think," he sighs heavily, " that people like to leave you, and play you for things but you know she's different. She's living with you during a pandemic, she's willingly working thousands of miles and hours behind her usual timezone so she can stay with you."

"Yeah but that's cause she doesn't want to-"

"it's because she loves you too. Don't psych yourself out. You're ready man, I can feel it."

"Not yet," I look at him, his eyes kind and a soft understanding smile on his face as he nods to me.

"Yeah, you kind of are mate."