The last two days were a bit of a struggle to get through. Although I got all of my work done I still felt like something was missing, there was just this feeling looming over me.
"Alright, hi guys, c'mon sit down," I smile at all of my kids piled into one room together. Last period being a mandatory meeting before they get off early like their usual monday. I decided to wait a few minutes letting them get settled in as I texted Calum quickly from his earlier message.
"Ms. C, what's going on?" I smile at Logan, the kids have been told about this meeting since last week but I wouldn't tell the twins what was going on. I didn't even tell SImone, just in case.
"Alright, well You guys are obviously aware of the Pandemic that was declared. I know we've talked a bit about Pandemics in history recently - so this might sound a little scarier than it currently is. This meeting, sanctioned by the school, is to prepare you guys for the worst case scenario."
"What do you mean worse case scenario? What's going to happen?"
"Nothing yet! Nothing yet. There has been some talk about schools going online, or being cancelled if the numbers of cases keep rising and the containment gets harder. I know it sounds super scary, but it can be done and it could last only a few weeks for all we know!"
"Are you going to be online?" Mckenzie looks worried, he's not the most motivated kid - struggles a lot in school and needs extra help when you can do it. It's kids like him that make me worried if we go into lockdown or I can't physically see them.
"As of right now, no. But if we do I have an updated syllabus, it's planned out to be a little bit easier for you guys because I know it's going to be very hard to stay motivated, or keep track of your work. And I also know how many of you may struggle with balancing work and at home schooling. And I've also made a plan for myself - to make sure my lectures are up to date for you guys and are available at all times," I pause, looking over the crowd of kids, all of them clearly worried.
"Will you still be able to help us?"
"Of course I will! I planned out everything. Pre Recorded classes, some zoom calls for people if they want, private help online and relaxed deadlines. I want you guys to do good no matter what gets thrown your way okay?"
"Will you tell us? If we have to leave school I mean?"
"Of course I will. I will keep you as updated as I'm allowed alright?" There's a nod, and I wave a hand. "Alright, you guys are dismissed for the rest of the day. I'll see you tomorrow - be good!"
I sit back at my desk, just as my phone begins to ring. I pick up the call as the last few kids walk out the door,waving at me with massive smiles on their faces.
"Tenley Carmichael?"
"This is she, how can I help you?"
"Hello! This is Delta Airlines calling, unfortunately we overbooked your flight departing at 11:36 March 4, 2020 to Los Angeles. I'm calling to see if you would be willing to change your flight, we do have a flight leaving tomorrow morning with a departure at 7:00am," there's a pause and audible clicking coming through the line. "There is space for you, and the animal you are scheduled to be flying with. Free of extra charge of coure."
"Oh, uh sure I will take that flight. She fits in the under seat compartment, is that still alright or will she need to go in the-"
"No, your bet is welcomed to remain with you."
"Oh, awesome thank you so much."
"Of course. When you arrive for your flight tomorrow, please arrive early and come to the Delta Airlines booth. We will replace your ticket and load your baggage,"
"Thank you."
"Goodbye Ms Carmichael," the woman on the other end hangs up quite abruptly. I roll my eyes as I pack up the few things I was planning on bringing with me to the states. Stopping by the headmasters office on my wywa home.
"Headmaster?" His eyes are wide as he pears over his computer at me. He smiles, as I step into the office.
"Off already Ms. Carmichael?" I nod my head slowly, looking around his office, the antique wood still smelling of the varnish they layered on this summer.
"Headmaster, my flight to America, was rescheduled to tomorrow morning. I was just wondering, how to go about that additional day I will be gone," He brushed it off with his hand, smiling at me.
"We will add it to your holiday no problem. I will take over your courses tomorrow, have you a lesson prepared?" "Yes, all of my lesson plans are sitting on my desk. Tomorrow they are doing their novel studies, and their major event projects. The library has been booked for them."
"Amazing, thank you Ms. Carmichael - and have a lovely trip!"
"Thank you, let me know if anything changes okay? I might be on different hours but I'll get to the message eventually," the older man nods as I leave his office, the odd feeling in my stomach hasn't left yet.
On the way home I made the decision to not tell Calum I would be there a full day early, but to surprise him. I pack as light as I can ensuring everything I need is in my carry on, including some of Butterscotch's food for the flight. Her favourite blankets and toys are stuffed in her carrier before we go to bed, but we hardly sleep.
The feeling in my stomach doesn't leave, I avoided eating dinner unsure if I'm simply getting nervous or sick. My stomach twists and turns for hours, making me hot and nauseous enough that I contemplate not going at all. But as 2 am rolls around I feel well enough to roll on my side and scroll through my phone accepting that I just won't be sleeping tonight. Beside me Butterscotch is tucked into herself, dreaming softly unsure of the word around her or the long flight she'll be on tomorrow. But she spends so much of her day sleeping. I'm not worried about her on the flight - I'm more worried about me.
My immediate response to not sleeping is to scroll through all of my mentions on my social media. Selling many members of the 5sos fam discussing me or Calum, seemingly undetected. Much of it is very sweet. I hope that I will encourage him to bring back his curls, or that he will be more active on social media when he sees me. Photos that Kaykay had posted of our time together have been trending, with appreciation for myself or the other girls in the comments. But after so long I drift to my snapchat.
I picked my photos wisely, starting with the day I first met Calum, and the excited snapchat I had sent to Simone made me smile remembering the day. All I felt was happiness when he left, it was one of my dreams to meet at least one member and I did - in my own classroom. But the memories got much sweeter. Photos of calum in my house, with my friends and his friends. Making stupid faces or just relaxing on the couch. Pictures of all the flowers he had sent me, and ever my little valentines surprise. Screenshots of snapchats from the boys made me giggle, allowing me to forget about my stomach ache. One picture in particular made my stomach and chest fill with love.
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Before he went home in january I had lost him for an hour or two before I found him in my spare room. He was paying zero attention to the world around him, instead playing a soft melody with mumbled words over and over again. His hands were moving softly across the keys, as if he was trying to not make noise at all. He sang as if it were nothing, the words were hard to make out - and he wouldn't relieve the song to me but just seeing him doing something so beautiful so absentmindedly made me feel as though I had made such an amazing choice in a human. And I still feel that.
