hey rockstar

fifty seven ; behind the album

It only takes a few songs before Calum gets truly excited, and he turns to face me completely, his smile making his eyes crinkle. I raise my eyebrows, confused by the way he's acting.

"What's going on?"

"Uh, the song I wrote about you is next," my heart rate jumps. Is it a love song or does it follow suit in the leading songs? "If you hate it, I won't even be mad."

"That's comforting," i can hear the change as the needle moves and I can't help the nerves.

The echoing of the word, places the same feeling in your chest as the first song, and with Calums voice filling the house, and his smiling face in front of me I can tell that my love for this song is going to near my love for him. ANd as he starts the first verse my jaw drops. He sounds o sultry as the song details his feelings, a very euphoric feeling and with the growth of the backing vocals and the instruments I imagine the song taking place in a stadium.

Bright lights, of all colours shining over the crowd, and the natural movement the boys all have on stage showing and shining through in their stage presence. I can see the switch as Calums voice is the main, and nearly the only voice on this record, the idea of Luke taking a small step back to pursue the instrumental side of the music rather than the vocal side. But I know in the making of the song, he didn't care about the step back, he let his best friend shine through. And I can see why.

"Calum-"

"Hey, it's not done yet. You can't get made yet," I shake my head as he laughs. He knows the controversial meaning behind it is tempting, and almost very obvious that it's about the two of us. But as the song begins to fade out I throw my opinion our into the open quickly.

"I love it."

"Really?" I nod simply, listening to the transition of the next song - what seems to be a simple ballad. As always Luke's voice is soothing but with the sweet words that are emanating across the house, I can practically see the love that he is putting out for Sierra. And i admire it.

"Luke wrote 80% of the songs, almost by himself. And now that Ihave you, and I can see how the others are with their girls I love this song. I can't wait for it to be on the setlist, and to see everyone in love singing it back to us," he leans into me, sighing contently.

Beside me he sings low, swaying slightly to the song. I watch quietly, taking in the wordsthat he's putting out. I think of how the two have grown together, how Sierra helped Luke get over such a toxic past and partner allowing him to grow and become himself before she truly entered his life. ANd they are so in love, I can only hope to be that in love with Cal as we grow together. And i know he feels the same - we will grow and give one another our very best years together.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We spend about an hour together, relaxed into a pile of pillows as we listen to the album - back tracking on a few of our favourites before we decide to pull the record off the table. He's smooth when he switches on different music, much softer as the lights areshut off.

He lays back down beside me with a sigh, his head touching mine before he rolls onto his side. Our noses touch as he watches me closely.

"So, you liked it?" I nod, "Like for real? You're not just saying that?"

"I loved it. I love the heart and soul you guys put into your music and I love how deep you take it," his face relaxes and I can see just how much my opinion meant to him. "How do you do it?"

"DO what?"

"I don't know how to say it, and not have it sound mean?" he shrugs, urging me to go on with his hand tangled in my own. "How do you present yourself as such a stand offish guy and then go and write such deep, and open music?"

"I don't know. I guess music has always been my way of releasing whatever emotion I was holding in. Writing songs has always been kind of easy for me, I write constantly, I listen to it constantly. It's just my way of life."

"And you feel okay, having all of this put out there? I mean I know that Invisible was Ash-" he cuts me off quickly, the sensitivity around the subject still very much there.

"Yes and no. I guage how much of the song or the feeling I am ready to put out there and if I feel a little uncomfortable with it I push it out there. Sometimes the right thing makes you uncomfortable. And after writing Sounds GOod Feels Good, i'm more than ready to put out all of that."

"What do you do with your extra songs? Do you guys keep them or tos them?"

"Well, I keep them all. I have so many songs written on napkins, in pages backwards, all kids of stuff. When we're touring I put them in my case, and when I'm home I have...I have a few places."

"You hide them?"

"I mean, kinda," he chuckles, and I begin to wonder where they are and what they're about. "I have a few places I put them, mostly in the spare room, or the studio. There's a drawer full of loose pages in the kitchen. I'm a mess."

"Do you pull out old songs yu used to write, like were any of the songs on the album old?"

"Not really. I mean sometimes we bring up the idea but, these ones were all new. Took us a yearto write - even the song we replaced for Wildflower. My songs, the usually stay pretty hidden."

"You know, I used to do that."

"With what?"

"Stories, notes, journaling pages. I basically left it where I wrote it. But now I have my note books and stuff that I keep filled."

"You write stories?"

"Well, no, not really. I just like writing and...sometimes I get storeis and concepts."

"Like writing a song, but more words and no music."

"Yeah, you just described what writing is. So," i nod with laughter bubbling in my chest. He rolls his eyes at me, bouncing my hand on the pillow below us.

"Can i read one?"

"Why?"

"Well, I mean what if it's really good? Did you take any classes for writing in school?"

"Tons, because English minor. But they're not good. College good vs real world good are two different things."

"I beg to differ. You are so amazing at everything you do, I bet you could be published."

I roll my eyes at him, he always pushes you to do as much as you possibly can but for years I've stuffed down my love and wish to write because...i didn't feel like I would get anywhere. And even if I did, how would I be able to push out book after book after book, and make it relatable? Doing what I do now, is good enough for me.

"One day will you show me?"

"Sure,you can read something one day. But not soon."

"That's not fair," I raise an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't get to listen to Wildflower before you ran it through everyone else?"

"Well, that's different," a pause, "well I guess not really. But you got to listen to it at some point right?"

"Uh, a week before the album drop."

"Well, if you're not going to publish something it's only fair I get to read it before that," he pokes my side softly, trying to prompt me to let him read something but I shake my head.

"This summer, how's that?" He nods, compromising easily.