hey rockstar

fifty four ; early mornings

At four o'clock in the morning I woke up to the simplest and sweetest feeling of Calum drawing shapes into my back. The dogs were sleeping in Duke's bed and when I turned around to look at Calum he looked shocked as if he wasn't expecting me to wake up any time soon.

"Couldn't sleep?" He shakes his head simply, running his hand over his head. He sighs, rolling onto his back in the darkness. "What's on your mind."

"I just...you didn't sound like you wanted to stay if you didn't have to. You know?" I nod, remembering how he brought up the topic so quickly this evening. I think about it for a moment, before I answer him.

"It's not that I don't want to stay, I just feel like I'm in your space and it's bothering you all."

"No, I just...sometimes I get distant when I'm thinking about stuff. And I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately and I just, I stress myself out," he shrugs sighing loudly to himself.

"I stressed you out a little bit didn't i?" He chuckles to himself, shaking his head.

"No I just got to thinking about how with the idea of things closing down...I wanna see you as much as I can. And i thought maybe if you could stay here - if we did tour you could come with us you know?"

"Yeah, you don't think it's too fast?" His laugh turns into a little snort as he shakes his head.

"With us, I don't think there is such a thing as too fast. It's hard to have a 'normal relationship' when you live across the world and one of you travels for a living."

"Famous, you're famous," I nudged him softly, but I agreed with him. Everything we have done has been faster than normal, but it doesn't seem odd or wrong - it feels like everything we're doing right.

"So, is it really wrong for us to do that? I mean if you have everything you need..."

"Calum, have you ever lived with a girl before?"

"My sister," he raises his eyebrows as if making a point but I shake my head at him.

"You know that doesn't count, c'mon."

"Okay no, but I mean I've been living with you for the past week and everything seems fine right? I mean I'm kind of learning how to cook - we don't fight. It's good right?"

"Well yes but...what about when I'm on my period then what?" He shrugs simply.

"It's just your period, nothing bad is going to happen. I mean, I definitely stocked up on tampons in January just in case, and I always have painkillers. I mean I might have to get that one for periods, what's it called?"

"Midol?"

"Yeah, that! See what could go wrong."

"Alright, I will call in the morning and try to cancel my flight. But if I get stuck here for real you can't be upset okay?"

"I would never, I love you too much to get sick of you being here."

"You're cheesy."

"You love it," he wraps his arm around me pulling me into his side. "So you're really going to stay here?"

"Yeah, I'll stay until I have to go back to work."

"And what about after that?"

"Then i'm going to go back and live at home?"

"But what if you just stayed here? For the rest of the year or whatever?"

"Are you not just talking about staying together for a couple of weeks?"

"I want you to move in with me, for real."

"No just a couple weeks until this blows over?" He shakes his head, words are hard to find as I think about everything I'd be leaving behind.

I built myself a life I love in Australia, and I have a job, a job that I need to be at until December and it's only March. How would I break it to the Heart family that I won't be there anymore, we won't have our weekends together and out movie nights. Our surf trips and I might miss Simone and Jeremy's baby girl growing up. The kids I've watch grow would be my last graduating class, I'd have to sell everything all over again and do another huge move across the freaking world-

"I mean, obviously when school went back you would go and finish up your year. And I would help you get everything done that you really needed to, all the moving and selling. And You wouldn't have to miss everything I promise."

"You've really thought about this?"

"I've been thinking about it all week. If I didn't get to be with you while you were grieving I would be so mad at myself."

"Well uh...how about I think about it? Cause that's..."

"A big step I know. Call Simone and talk it out with her. But I think she'll be excited," I nod, smiling at the thought of her ecstatic about the idea of me moving in with Calum. "Speaking of which, I think I found something for the baby!"

"There's no baby shower, you know that right?"

"I know, but I saw and I know it's a great idea...so I bought it and I might've shipped it to their house," laughter leaves my lips as I hold my hand out.

"Let me see it!" He reaches for his phone before showing me a sunflower baby bath, immediately followed by a tortilla blanket and taco booties. "Calum!"

"What? They're so cute, Jere is going to love them," I can't help but laugh at the fact he went out of his way to find something for my best friend's baby girl. And there's even things that represent either of us.

"Okay, fair...does that mean your future ids are going to be dressed up as food all the time?" He shrugs.

"I mean maybe a little bit. But they'll be out kids so probably more than just the food. And let's be honest - you'll be the one dressing them."

"Me?"

"Well, they'll be out kids won't they?" my smile is bright and hard to hide as I tuck my head into his chest. "You know what I love?"

"No, what?"

"I love how I can talk to you about everything, I feel like I've never really had that freedom before."

"I love how you can do that too."