My Ex, The Idol

28

Lisa POV

I knocked on the dorm room, hoping either Joy or Ash was home. I sighed when I didn't hear an answer and slid the note under the door. I went to leave and smiled when I saw Ash walking towards me from the end of the hallway.

"Need some help?" I gestured to her backpack and the cast on her arm.

"Can you? I just need to open the door." I helped Ash with her backpack as she opened the door and walked inside. I grabbed the letter and set it on her table, placing her backpack on the couch.

"Want any water or snacks?" She gestured to the kitchen and I shook my head. I saw her eyes venture to her side of the room, a sad look in her eyes as she probably thought of Yeri.

"I'm glad you came." She smiled weakly at me as I saw tears well in her eyes. I led her to the couch but she shook her head, guiding us to her bed so we could sit down.

"I-I can't really say any of this to Joy Unnie." She cleared her throat from the tears as she wiped her eyes. "Waking up I was constantly reminded that I should be thankful to be alive, but every day it's a bitter reminder that Yeri isn't here with me. And I feel like it's my fault, Lisa."

"She didn't want to go to that stupid concert. She wanted to go meet Joy's family but Yeri knew how badly I wanted her to be with me at my first concert. I promise I was careful driving, but that selfish piece of shit crashed into us and for a moment, I really thought I was going to die."

I held onto her hand as tears slipped down her cheeks. "You... you'll never have to live with hearing her screams as our car slid off the road, it flipped a few times. I hit my head so hard but she said my name... MY NAME as her last words. What's even worse is that she wanted to check on me, through all the pain she was in. Lisa, I begged her to stay awake, but when she didn't close her eyes... I screamed and screamed. I couldn't breathe and I felt that hurt more than my actual injuries. I hate that I woke up, being told that my injuries were much better from the coma, but that Yeri died."

"I'll never forget her telling me how Shawn Mendes better be worth it as we got into the car. I hate that she would joke about her funeral but I didn't even get to go to that because of my stupid coma! My family and I love god... but I'm so so mad at him right now."

I hugged her to me as she started to cry. "Unnie, I miss her. I miss her so much. She should be right by my side through college like she was in high school and middle school. I feel like I took Joy's happiness away when Yeri died because I made her get in that car. I thought it would make me feel better, rooming with Joy, but staying in her bed... I feel so guilty."

I let her calm down, letting her cry it out and vent. I could understand why she didn't tell this to Joy, but I'm glad she felt comfortable talking to me about this. Our group still can't go to the dining hall together because our circle was forever missing the funniest and sassiest member.

"Ash, you don't have to feel guilty. You did nothing to cause that crash, that drunk idiot was the cause for it. Yeri loved you, you shouldn't feel angry that you get to live. Yeri wouldn't have wanted that for you. She probably would be saying Bitch keep my bed warm but not my girlfriends."

She laughed behind her hands, nodding. "That's definitely something Yeri would say. I guess this guilt is just my mourning. Will it ever get easier?"

"I don't think it'll ever get easier. We'll remember things about Yeri, wether it would be Bistros or hell, we even cried at Jennie's performance at JYP because our empty seat was meant for Yeri. It'll be a take it day by day sort of thing, but as long as we continue to love her and cherish the moments, that's what will matter. I'm heartbroken we lost Yeri... but we would've been more heartbroken if we lost our straight baby too."

Ash nodded and pointed to her nightstand. "Joy gave me that. Our friends, even you and Jisoo, wrote something on it." It was Yeri's funeral paper. We each kept one for our keepsakes and knew Ash would've wanted one too. "Apparently Joy tried getting Jennie to sign it?"

"Jennie didn't feel right signing something so meaningful like that. She promised she would sign anything you wanted, just not one of your reminders of Yeri."

"I'm glad she didn't. But I'll be sure to keep her promise on autographs." Ash rubbed my hand as she thanked me. "I don't know what I'd do without my gay girls. Joy is there for me, but I hear her cry a lot in her room from time to time when she thinks I'm asleep."

"It's going to take us all time, but we need to stay there for each other okay? If you ever feel down, or hear Joy crying, call us and we'll be here to cheer you girls up or give you a shoulder."

"I love you, unnie."

"I love you. Now, take your medicine and get some sleep. You shouldn't even be going to classes often."

"Yes Rosé," She mocked and whined when I slapped her butt. "Lock the door behind you please?"

"I will." I winked to her as I left the room and locked it before I left. I hadn't seen Joy, but I knew she was trying out for sports to keep her mind off things since a new semester will begin soon.

I went back to my dorm, frowning when I missed my Nini. I went in and heard loud snores from Jisoo's room and rolled my eyes at how loud she could be. I finished my only piece of homework from biology before heading to sleep.