A Hunger to Share ( Book Two )

chapter 6

             Part Four 

Ada

She sat.
She drank.
She tried not to think.
She failed.

Ada was pregnant. She who had killed children, who had liked killing them.

It was like some big joke, but Ada wasn't laughing. She wasn't feeling anything. If she let herself feel, she didn't know where her emotions would take her.

Ada sat in the black armchair, and drank, thinking about everything she didn't want to think about. Ada was her own personal torturer, and she was fucking ruthless.

Ada took a big gaulp of the blood bottle, and leaned forward, running a hand through her hair. She would be a horrible mother. Ada would ruin her child if they even made it into this world.

It would be mad and crual to subject an innocent, pure soul into this cesspool of a world, and with Angelina still out there lusting for revenge, her child wouldn't be safe.

But she didn't know if she had the courage to get rid of it. Ada took another angry gaulp. She needed help. A second opinion.

Ada hadn't been able to kill Angelina, or avenge Maggie, and now she was pregnant. She didn't want this. She didn't want any of it. Ada wanted her Maggie back. How much she missed her.

Ada had let her down for a second time. She was useless. She was so utterly, and mundanely useless, and she was a gifted vampire for fuck's sake.

And James... Fuck she really didn't want to think about him, but how could she not think about the Father of her child? How could she not think about how much he hated her? How she'd almost let him die.

The bottle flew out of her hand and shattered against the wall. The coffee table was next. Then the armchairs went flying. Ada thrashed the big flat screen TV, stomped on it with the heel of her boot, watched the screen crack.

She enjoyed every second of it. It felt good. She didn't care if Adrian, or someone else threw her out of the castle. Ada hated this place.

She hated Gideon and Adrian, and her self-rightious Father. She hated herself, the whole goddamned world. The only way she could channel that hate and anger, and keep it from eating her alive was through destroying everything around her.

Ada ended up sitting in the middle of the ruined living room, tears running down her cheeks. It was the first time she let herself cry after Maggie's death. She needed it. She needed it desperately.

Her hands were covered with blood. She didn't know if it was from the bottle, or her own. She dug them into her skin and kept crying, for Maggie, and for her unborn, unwanted child that she had to kill.

Ada felt Gideon's arms around her waist, his face nuzzling her hair.

"Get out. I don't want you here." She said between sobs.

It was a lie. Ada wanted him. Ada wanted him so much her heart ached for him. She also wanted Maggie and she was dead. She didn't deserve either of them.

"I know." Gideon whispered, but didn't let go of her. Only tightened his hold around Ada, jean clad legs brushing against her bare ones. She hadn't changed out of the stripper outfit yet. "I'm sorry I can't be her. I can only be myself."

Gideon's gentle, apologetic words made Ada cry harder. He didn't deserve to be treated like this. Ada wanted to tell him he was more than enough, but she couldn't be soft with him or give him false hope of a future they could never have.

"I swear to God if you don't leave..." Ada said, wiping her face.

"You can gut me, rip my heart out, or set me on fire. I'm not leaving you, not again." Gideon said gently and kissed her hair.

Ada should have pushed him away, be selflessness for once but she knew he was just as stubborn as she was. She leaned back against his chest, and countinued crying silently.

Gideon held her through it, face still hidden in her hair, legs next to hers. Ada didn't like crying in front of other peole, but he had seen her like this before.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Ada managed between tears, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"We'll figure it out." Gideon whispered, placaing his hands on hers.

"We?"

"Yes we."

And believed him. It was childlish, but she believed him. "If you tell anyone you saw me like this, I'll have to kill you." She said half-heartedly, wiping at her tear- stained face.

"I won't." Gideon smiled into her hair. "I promise."

"Thank you for being here for me."

"That's what friends are for." He brushed her bloody hand with his gentle fingers.

The world was silent after that. Gideon held her and she let him, engulfed in his comforting scent of snow.

It felt good. As good as destroying her room.