A Hunger to Share ( Book Two )

chapter 32

Ada 

England

Three Month Later

"I didn't take you for a believer." Ada was watching Gideon light candles in the small church located in the castle's backyard.

It was an old building made of stone, smelling of sin, and reluctant forgiveness.

"I try to be but this is not about me. It's for them." He kept his eyes on the flames.

"Them who?" Ada counted ten lit candles. The number was still growing.

"The children who died because of me." His voice was steady but Ada could  taste his sadness in the air. It was bitter with guilt, and regret.

Ada hugged him with one arm, kissing his short hair. "I'm here if you want to talk, and if not, I'm still here."

"I know." Gideon leaned into her.

They lit the remaining candles together, and when they were finished, stood side by side, and stared at the bright dancing flames in silence, lighting up the dim interior of the church. There were twenty now.

The last three month had felt too good to be true. Ada had cherished it. She knew it was real but couldn't help the cold, cruel dread slithering in the back of her mind whenever she thought about her baby, and the future.

"Thia, and I used to run an orphanage." Gideon said quietly.

"That explains why you're so good with childeren."

"It was different back then. I failed them."

"You can't save everyone Gideon. We both know that."

He held the palm of his hand above the flames. "You asked me to forgive myself for killing your father, and I'm getting there, but I can never forgive myself for this."

"You can try."

"I don't want to."

"You didn't get them killed on purpose, did you?"

"No but It doesn't matter. I was a stupid human boy with big dreams back then, who didn't think about the consequences of his actions. Pride is a sin for a reason."

"You were hopeful. There is a difference."

"Is there really?" Gideon laughed, a hollow laugh that sounded like death.

"Yes. I've seen you with your music students. I know how much you love them, and help them have a better life. You made a mistake..."

"Have you ever seen children burn alive Ada?" Gideon stared at her with eyes filled with self-hatred. "Have you heard their cries? Have you heard them beg for mercy when there is none?

Smelled burned flesh while you were pinned to the ground like a broken cockroach unable to help? Tell me, have you?" He wasn't shouting, but his cold anger was a thousand times worse.

"No." Ada mumbled, heart breaking for him and those poor children.

"Then don't tell me to forgive myself for this. What I did, what I let happen to them, that's too big a sin to forgive by anyone, weather it's God, those kids, or me."

"In case you've forgotten I've killed children too. I understand."

"You killed two. I killed twenty. And you did it to avange me, so it's basically on me. One more thing added to my never ending list of unforgivable mistakes. My hands are too bloody to ever get cleaned."

"What did you do? What did they pay for?" Ada gave up arguing with him.

"I Killed my father, and my half brothers killed my...those children in retaliation." Gideon was as cold, and rigid as ice.