Mine

Chapter 11

A/N: Music is obviously optional. Enjoy ☺️
My sobs are muffled by my palms as I gasp for the damp air. I can feel myself breathing hard and think about everything from every angle. I knew how it looked from Meredith's point of view. We had only known each other for 3 months and I had not been truthful the whole time. Everything I told her was true. But I was always lying by omission. My head began throbbing as I thought about her pain caused by me. I walked inside the trailer, threw off the plaid jacket and fell into my bed. I buried my face into the pillow, trying to recall how it felt to rest my head in Meredith's lap. I awoke in her lap. Looking up, I stared at Meredith as she smiled and pulled at my hair. I felt her fingers lift my head up. Her lips met mine and sucked at my lower lip. She laughed as she pulled away and I sat upright on the bed. I smiled and pulled her legs towards me. She screamed as I carried her out of the trailer and to the hammock outside. She shook at the sudden coolness and I smiled pressing her naked body to mine. I fell back in the hammock and pulled my soft brown blanket over her body that was hugging mine tightly.
"Take me back inside!" She begged as her head buried its self in my chest.
"Oh, come on. It's not that cold." I smiled as I pulled her closer.
"Not like this, but eventually when we have to get up. It will be." She moans as pushes her face into my neck.
"We don't have to get up." I said calmly as I rubbed circles on her back.
She nodded and I smiled smelling the flowery scent against my cheek. Her hands moved to my hair and tugged at it. She giggles as her nose presses mine. I shake my head and let her lips lock mine. I feel tingles run down my spine as my tongue wraps around hers.
"Mmm" I moan as she pulls back.

I wake in my bed. My eyes are still closed and I smile. Putting a hand over the sheets around me, I didn't feel Meredith. The memories of the last few days come rushing back and hit me like bullets. I get out of bed and step into the cold shower. Washing myself off, I drove to the hospital and wait by the pillars for her car.
"Stop." She says walking past me.
"What?" I ask following her.
She look beautiful as her hair flips and spreads it's scent everywhere.
"You're stalking me. Stop it." She says.
"Did we not communicate last night?" I ask.
"Yes." She said.
"Did you hear what I was saying?" I ask as she walks away from me.
"Your wife screwed your twin." She says.
"And from that point on she no longer existed to me anymore." I say following her up the stairwell.
"You had marital amnesia." She says as she continues walking.
"Come on, I bared my soul to you last night." I say.
"That's not enough." She says.
"How can that not be enough?!" I ask.
The words were a mistake. I knew it as soon as they left my mouth. I wished so badly that I could take them back.
"When you waited two months to tell me, and I had to find out by her showing up all leggy and fabulous and telling me herself? You pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything you say runs right out. There is no enough." She says turning to me.
I grab her hand and pull her into the nearest on call room. She fights me but I squeeze her tight. I can feel my heart racing as my face hovers mere centimeters above hers
"I was going to tell you. The night that she came. I told you, I said 'we need to talk'. You have to believe me. And Addison isn't the one I want to be with. And, you don't have to listen to me now. Just know that no matter what you do, I will always feel this way about you." I say as my body is pressing hers against the wall.
My hands reach up and caress her cheeks.
"And, I will be here. Always. I'll wait for you to realize it. Because I made a mistake. I need you to forgive me." I begged as she looked into my eyes.
I step back and let my hands fall to my sides. She stays on the wall and then looks at me. I watch as she walks to me.
"Don't ever touch me again." She says before walking away.
"Mer!" I call after her.
I sigh as the door bangs. Falling to the floor, I pushed my head into my knees. I breathed deeply and tried to calm myself. I shouldn't have pulled her and pressed her against the wall. She was done. We were broken up.

I felt a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach as I stood up and walked to the nurses desk. She hands me a stack of charts and I give her a small smile. Throwing on scrubs, I leave the charts at the attending's lounge table. I walked down the stairs passing Addison. I rolled my eyes at her and kept climbing down.
"2 Coffee's black please." I asked the barista at the coffee cart outside the hospital.
He nods and I hand him a 5 dollar bill. I look around for Meredith. I find her eyes as Burke walks up to me.
"Dr. Shepherd." He says.
"Dr. Burke." I say watching Meredith.
"We have an organ donor coming in this afternoon from Wilkinson General. We are doing a harvest." He says.
"Commendable." I say walking away.
He pulls me back and I get angry. As I step back I understand what Meredith meant. I made her feel the same way I felt now. The burning in my stomach started again.
"In OR 1 at 4:00." He says.
"I'm in OR 1 at 4:00." I say breaking my stare from Mer.
"Your surgery is non-critical." He says calmly.
"You can't bump me." My voice raises.
"You'll be first up tomorrow. As chief..." He starts.
Burke was annoying me and rubbing in the fact that he was chief.
"Interim Chief." I correct.
"I can." He says smiling.
"Bump somebody else." I said louder.
I need some OR time today. Or else, I would burst.
"You're in the OR we need." He says simply.
"Why don't they just do the harvest at Wilkinson?" I ask.
"Small facilities in the boonies- A doc in the box. We have the location, the airport nearby and the staff. Your surgery is rescheduled." He snarks.
I feel like a five year old who gets angry and sad at the same time over the smallest of things. Feeling tears start to appear, I turn away and grab the two coffees. He walks away and I frantically look around. I walk towards Meredith and she turns. The coffee slips out of my hands and she gasped as the coffee slips on her.
"Sorry! I'm sorry!" I say loudly.
"Leave me alone." She whimpers as she tries to walk.
"Meredith just wait!" I call.
"Look, I am in pain. Emotional and physical pain. Could you just please let me deal with it before you give me more?!" She asks clutching the V-neck of her scrubs
"Let me help. Please." I ask feeling guilty and seeing red underneath her scrub.
"Fine." She says.
I sigh in relief and follow her into the pit. She winces as she lifts herself onto the bed. I drag the curtain around the small area and grab a popsicle-type stick. I turn around to grab vaseline and a dry dressing. As I turn back, I feel my heart beat faster. Mer's shirt is laid next to her and she is touching her chest. I take deep breaths and grab round stool. Her bra is pink and lacy, just waiting for me to take it off. I wheel myself over to her and grab Vaseline with the stick. She watches as my hand drifts to her chest. I lean in and breathe deeply. The flowery scent fills my lungs and I look away. My cheeks are bright red and I take a deep breath. Looking back at her, I use the stick to spread the Vaseline above her breasts. I try my best to spread it with the stick.
"Mer, I need to take off your bra." I ask shakily.
She sighs and winces as she tries to move her arms.
"Just do it." She breathes, rasping.
I nod and put the stick down. My fingers graze her sides and I move them up her back until I feel the clasps. I unclasp her bra and take it off of her. My heart races as I am trapped in the valley between her breasts. I pull my head away from her and spread more Vaseline down the insides of her breasts. She moans quietly as I caress her. I place a dry dressing on her and feel myself breathing heavily. Gently, I let her slip her arms into the bra and pull it up to her shoulders. I clasp it shut and she puts on her scrub top as I sit in front of her again. I hear her whimpers and pull down the top.
"I'm so so sorry." I say as my voice quivers.
Weakly, I let my head rest in her lap. I break down and start sobbing.
"I never meant to hurt you." I say between breaths.
Tears flow down my face and I shut my eyes.
"I know." She says softly.
I feel her fingers push through my hair. I smile at the wonderful feeling. Her hands move to my cheek and pull it up. I stare into her eyes which are twitching with pain.
"Please. Stop chasing me." She says.
"But Meredith.." I say pulling her back to me.
"But nothing. You have a wife." She said.
Her fingers were lingering in my palms. I stood up and looked down, into her calming eyes. I let go of her hand and leaned in, shutting my eyes. I wait a few seconds and open my eyes. She isn't there anymore.