Mine

Chapter 30

An: Music is optional.
⚠️Mature Warning⚠️

When you lose something and are forced to live with it... you despise it. You hate it so much you would rather die than live with it. The hate is there because you want it. You need it desperately and instead of being productive, you blame everything you can, but mostly yourself for letting it get away. As you grow, you get accustomed to having it in your life and it becomes enjoyable. Your mind starts to trick you into being okay with it- when really, it destroys you to the point you can't breathe without it. Deep inside, you know that you can't live without it, that the only thing keeping you sane is its presence. Then you feel it slowly- almost unrecognizable at first. You feel it slipping away. Self-hatred starts to consume you from the inside. You spend every waking moment trying to grasp it, bring it back into your life. Because you crave it just as much as oxygen. It is learning how to hold it, how to control it that is important in life. The only thing that matters is that you have it and if you don't- then you die.

Derek's POV:
I walk into the building and pull out my phone to call Meredith.
"Hey, Derek." She says.
"Meredith, hey are you at the awards?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'm backstage. I'll see you soon enough, I promise." I can tell that she is extremely happy.
"Backstage? Why? I thought that was only for nominees." I laugh.
"The Averys wanted me back here to talk about my mother so I'll be up on stage soon." She replies as I sit down on a table in the giant room.

"Could you wave to me, please? I just want to see you're safe." I ask looking at the red curtains.
Merediths head pops out of them and I smile wide. She blows me a kiss and I pretend to catch it and hold it to my chest. Her laughter filters through the phone making me smile.
"One more thing, do you know who the secret contestant is?" I ask hopefully.
"I- uhm- yes. I do. I promise that I will have her talk to you after the awards." She says nervously.
"Oh, so it's a woman," I smirk.
"Don't try to narrow the crowd. It won't work." She snaps as she laughs.
"Her paper on diabetes was very well written and inspirational." I smile.
"Oh ok, it's starting, I have to go." She whispers and hangs up.
Addison sits next to me and I smile as Harper Avery goes up on stage. I clap with everyone else.

"Welcome to the 51st annual Harper Avery Award For Surgical Innovation." He says clearly.

"As surgeons, we are meant to push boundaries and do what no one has ever done. To solve problems from unique perspectives, to save lives and that is why we all got into this business for. Those moments that challenge and terrify and dare us to reach the potential we were meant to reach are the same moments where inspiration strikes. I started this foundation so that we could learn, our subordinates could learn to be better doctors. When I tell you I am proud to announce the winner this year, I am astounded by the amount of time and effort that she has put in to achieve the great length of curing a man from diabetes. Without any further ado- The Harper Avery Award for Surgical Innovation goes to..." He pauses and lets the tension build up in the room.

"Dr. Meredith Grey!" He says loudly and claps as he steps aside.

An odd silence fills the room as I feel the shock on my face before I react. My jaw drops as I look around and see everyone doing the same.

"Did you know about this?" Addison asks.
"No! I didn't know." I reply.

Like no time had passed, Meredith walks on to the stage and I freeze. Everyone around me starts clapping and cheering while I stay frozen. The Cameras shutter behind me as my chest tightens. I straighten my back admiring the long black dress she is wearing. Her hair falls in even loose curls as I sit up. My fingers reach into my collar and I loosen it around my neck to give me room to breathe.