enough

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(basically a long rant, because I need a rant)

I didn't love you enough to call it love.
I didn't love you like I loved the birds, like I loved the Sun, like I loved night and day.
I couldn't have loved you because I was lonely
I couldn't have loved you because I was blinded by your affection, blinded by your concern and fueled by your emotion.
I wouldn't have loved you because I couldn't.

I couldn't see you for who you are, I failed to discover all the parts of you
I rejected your interests, your life, and the parts of you that needed to be loved, I desperately tried to fix too soon.

The most frightening thing of all is that I can't tell if I actually felt anything towards you
I fear I only liked you because you have me attention, and because I needed that attention. I'm terrified to think that I only saw the person I chose to see,
It's driving me crazy, the thought of me using you, then the thought of me loving you.

I would have loved you because, you deserve to be loved.
You aren't a perfect soul, you don't own a sound mind or a pure heart
But you are enough. More than enough.

I would have loved you because you are beautiful (yes, beautiful)
I never got to see the whole of you, but I know you are.
I would have loved you because you are kind. You recognize the kindness in people, and you admire it.
I would have loved you because you are funny. Sometimes I wonder how you come up with the most ridiculous things, and are confident enough to tell me them.
I would have loved you because your hugs are warm. Even on the coldest days, I eagerly await for your arrival, in the freezing weather, because I know you are warm.

I love you because you are confident
I love you because you aren't confident

I love you because we weren't together
I love you because I wish we were

I love you because your smile spreads out so unevenly when you see me
I love you because you see me
I love you because you are silly

I love you because I know I have to let you go.
I love you more than you will ever know
I love you, and I don't.

(That was long...)

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