peace

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Sorry to my friends, but I need some peace right now
I don't want to be happy, no I'm not sad
I'm just exhausted
I'm tired of the fake laughs and the meaningless jokes
I'm tired of pretending I understand
I just need peace
To think alone
To decide alone
To feel alone
I need somebody who knows how to embrace the silence
I need somebody who I can trust with my many poems and my ridiculous thoughts of the universe.
I'm sorry if I'm a bummer to you, but don't feel obliged to stay
We can always try another day
I need some peace, I need some sleep
I need to stay quiet
I feel like if I talk the words will spill out from me
And I won't be able to be whole again.
I'm sorry if you are the only one having fun, but I'm not some...thing that is happy 24/7.
I'm sorry that you need someone else right now
I'm sorry that I'm making you sad
But I'll never be sorry to be sad
I'm still adjusting ok?
It'll be a while before I can
And no, I don't want to hear all the gossip, no I don't want to hear what you think of some stranger's hair
I'm not as invested in drama as you are, so sorry I'm boring.
But all I need is peace
I'm sorry that you thought I was angry
I'm so tired of hurting everyone with my emotions, tired of making sure I'm enough to keep around
I want peace, I'm tired of thinking they hate me
I'm tired of trying to be someone I don't want to be
For once, maybe one day, let me be free from those responsibilities
Because I don't owe my happiness to anyone, and no one owes their happiness to me.

I don't know anymore.

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