A Lovely Life

Part 1; Confessed Chapter 1: Intro

Life is beautiful isn't it? I mean if you are popular or have something going for you, but what about the people who don't, what about people like me? I'm boring in every aspect of the word. nothing I do is truly remarkable. I am about to tell you all about my life, and unlike the title leads to believe it's not quite as lovely. This is not a love story, but not a coming out story either. This is just the story of my life: boring, plain, and at times uneventfully-eventful. But that is life.

And just like any teen drama it all starts in high school, because high school is always the place for life to really start, and to be as dramatic as humanly possible.

My name is Marcos, when I started writing this, it was only a journal, but now it's something bigger. I was a 15 year old Sophomore kid going into my junior year. I didn't have a lot of friends, but the few I had were amazing. I was the quite, weird kid who people didn't even bothered to make fun of most of the time. I was ordinary in everything, well except for one thing; the fact I am gay, and no one in my life knew about it. I mean I am sure some people suspected, but nothing had been confirmed nor denied by me, and with sophomore year ending I could successfully say I kept my secret saved for another year.

Now that the school year was over I could rest knowing I wouldn't have to hide my secret from anyone until the year to come. Although I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep this from people much longer. I wanted to know what love was, and to have a boyfriend, but I worried my friends would hate me for liking guys? What if my family disowns me? or worse, beats me to death?

My family is very religious, and we went to church every Sunday, which meant they believe what the bible says about people like me. My dad had even gone out of his way to tell me that there was nothing I couldn't tell him, except that I like guys. He had told me that since he was dropping me off at school when I was FOUR YEARS OLD. Back then I didn't know what any of it meant, so I always told him I wouldn't, but looking back I always had a gut feeling that something wasn't right with me, and I had failed him somehow.

Because of all this I had thought of pushing coming out until I was an adult, and I lived on my own that way it would finally be 'my roof, my rules', but now with this wish of mine to have a boyfriend I was not so sure it was something I could keep hidden for much longer.

I also knew there was a possibility with my friends having problems with me being gay. There is Kyle, and Adam who are very Christians, but I wanted to believe they were more open minded due to our times. There were also my other friends, who I didn't think would have a big problem with me, but people could be deceiving, and maybe they would have a problem.

The relationship I had with my parents wasn't the most stable, which I guess was because I was a teenager and all, but I had seen some of my friends interact with their families, and mine was nothing like theirs. I mean my mom and I hardly ever talk, we say 'how was your day', and have small conversations, and it has always been like that. My dad is a completely different story. We used to get along when I was little, but then he moved to the United States - leaving me with my mom, and 2 year old sister in Mexico - things with him were different now. He had this idea of who I should be, and since I wasn't the person he wanted me to be there was always this tension between the two of us.

Luckily I was going to spend the last part of my summer break in Mexico with my family who I hadn't seen in four years. The only downfall was that I wasn't going to see nor talk to the friends I made in the little town of O'Fallon, Missouri. As I mentioned before there was Kyle who I met in 7th grade, Adam in 8th, and there was also Henry who I met in the 7th grade, and a couple more I met throughout high school. Since the first time I saw Kyle I developed feelings for him, but I never had the balls to tell him. When he got his girlfriend near the end of 8th grade I got hurt, but I knew he was happy, and he and I could never be a thing. Unfortunately my feelings for him didn't go away.

As expected I met, and saw a lot of boys I liked in school, but nothing ever happened. Which is why I felt like I needed someone in my life to be happy, but I was still afraid of what people would think of me if I came out.

So there is that, an introduction to my life. Plain, normal, boring, and at times quite dramatic. But that is life after all, especially for a gay teen boy who is desperately searching for love, yet nervous to experience it.

writers note: This story is inspired by events that happened in my life, and my search for love. Characters names were changed for legal reasons.
I will be talking about a lot of social problems that could make some readers uncomfortable, some examples of this are, but aren't limited to: Sexuality, and sexual acts, religion, political views, homophobia, and suicidal thoughts, so be warned, and enjoy.