A Lovely Life

Chapter 2: The Last Day of Sophomore Year

Nothing is better than summer when you are in high school. Think about it; no need for a job, although the money was good, you get to sleep in as late as you want, and you could hang out with your friends all day long. Well this is all true if you are capable of doing all of those things. Summer of 2012 was a bit different for me, but in order to understand summer we have to visit the last day of my sophomore year of high school. The day started with the familiar face of Max, a guy who gets on the bus in the same stop I did. We talked as we always did waiting on our bus.

When I arrived at school, Taylor, a friend of Kyle, offered me some donuts. She was with the rest of the group standing waiting to go to class. Kyle was also there, and I started talking to him. Trying to hide the smile I always got when I saw him.

"So for the party tonight try to get there a bit after school." He said.

"I don't think I'll make it by then. I have to watch my sister until my mom get's home. Is it ok if I get there by 5ish?" I replied.

"Yeah, that's fine. Just get there as soon as you can." He said with a grin on his face, which made me smile. And how could I not, when he did, his green eyes wrinkled, and the side of his mouth showed his dimples I loved. How could I not smile at the sight of his smile.

The day went on, and I had to go to class, which was P.E for me. I hate that class because I am not a sports person. Luckily I had friends in this class, which is rare since most of my friends usually take classes I would never take. In this class Max was there, and also another friend of ours, Jackson. Aside from them two there was this guy named Alex in that class. Black hair, pale skin, a bit heavier, but hot nonetheless. Everyday I went into class I looked at him, because I liked seeing him, and every once in a while he would talk to me. In class we were taking our final exam, and I was sitting next to Jackson, and facing Alex. Halfway through the test I stared at Alex for a bit longer than usual, and Jackson noticed.

"What are you looking at?" Jackson asked.

"Nothing, just trying to remember the answer." I said.

"Yeah, ok." He said. He smiled, and we both continued to take our exam. I didn't bring any more attention to it because I know that the more denial I added, the more it would confirm anything, so I let the topic die.

In my next class my counselor told me to go to her office to talk about classes for next year, and my plans for college. While I was on my way down to her office, Jackson texted me.

Still thinking about Alex?

What?! No. I told you I was just thinking what the answer to the question was.

Really? That's what you are going to go with?

I can't talk. I'm going to the counselor's office.

I was worried he might have figured me out. How could I have been so careless? My whole life I had been cautious about the little things. I learned to control my feelings a very long time ago, and I was stupid enough to let my guard down for just another football player who only knew I exist because I was the weird kid.

I couldn't keep thinking about that. After my visit to the office, it was time to go to lunch. I knew Jackson had Math, so he wasn't going to text me anytime soon, so I got to enjoy my meal. During lunch I got to see Henry. I have this constant fear that my friends would hate me, or stop talking to me if they learned I was gay, but something was different with Henry. The idea of telling him didn't terrify me as much because I had this feeling he would be ok with me being gay. I couldn't explain it other than the fact he and I had a closer friendship that I did with Kyle. I mean Kyle, and I were friends, but I always put that fantasy of us eve becoming a couple before our friendship, and with Henry it was only friendship, which meant I could see who Henry was a lot better than Kyle.

Once lunchtime was over Henry, and I went to our locker to pick up the last bit of things we had there, -we didn't have to share lockers in school, but he didn't know where his was, and I didn't mind sharing locker with him- and also to say goodbye to it.

"It was a great year, with great memories." Henry said, talking to the locker.

"Are you ok?" I asked him with a smile.

"Yeah, it's the last time we are going to be together here, so I figure we should properly say goodbye to our little home." He added.

"Yeah. I hadn't thought about that. We won't get to be together next year." I said, but he could tell my eyes were a bit watery. Henry always knew I was emotional, and he loved to tease me about it.

"Oh, come on everything's going to be alright. We'll still be friends. Let's go." He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me away from the locker. I knew I wasn't going to remember every meaningless conversation we had while we shared a locker,  but I knew I would remember I was happy there.

Once we parted ways, and I was walking to my last class for the day I ran into Jackson. The last person I wanted to see was standing in front of me, but he didn't look mad, or anything like that
"This isn't your regular route." He said.

"Yeah I know, my class is meeting in another classroom." I said, stuttering a bit, not knowing what to say.

"Haha ok." He said, and gave me a hug. "I'll see you around Mr. Secrets." With that he ran to his class. Did he know about me? Was my secret finally out. God I hated myself for being so careless. I knew Jackson was near me when I glanced at Alex, yet I had to glance at him longer than I should have. Why must I be desperate for love?

As soon as the bell rang I ran all the way to the third floor to see if Kyle was still there, that way we could talk, and walk back to the main entrance. He wasn't by his locker, which made me sad. I was hoping we could talk. Hearing his voice, seeing his smile always made me happy, and I wanted to see him today, but I guess I would have to settle to see him that night.

On my way to my bus I saw him walking with Taylor. I would've tried to catch up, but they were too ahead of me. As usual I went into overthinking mode, and wondered if they could become a thing, and where would that leave me. The worst part of it was not being able to talk about this with anyone. How could I explain that I had feelings for someone really close to me without saying it was a guy? Who could I talk to? I was alone, which made my depression worse. There was nothing I could do other than get over it, and keep going on with my day.

Later at Kyle's house I found out it wasn't really a party, it was just him, Adam, and I. Which is better because I don't like being in big parties, they drain my energy, and being with a lot of people gives me a bit of anxiety. Besides, I liked to spend more time with Kyle. Most of the night we watched some YouTube videos, and when it was dark we went out, and started a bonfire where they burnt all their school assignments, and activity books they had collected during the school year. I would've contributed but I had recycled all of my stuff, and was planning on keeping some things as mementos.

The night went on, and we had 'smores and pizza for dinner, we played some more games, and watched tv. Sure there were a million and one things other kids our age were doing to celebrate the end of the school year, but I didn't mind what we were doing.  Everything was perfectly fine.