A Lovely Life

Chapter 9: Tidal Wave

Winter break was painful, it was hard to keep track of what day it was, and it was like that for the first couple of weeks when we got back to school. In the mornings every time I went up to the group, and tried to talk to them they wouldn't talk to me. A couple of times Kyle would just straight up tell Adam that they were leaving, and they would leave me alone. The first time it happened I asked him where they were going, he said that they were going to his class to work on an assignment, but I knew the way to his class was in the opposite direction they were walking, and there was no other way to get to the basement. I knew I had done the right thing to help my friends. I also knew Kyle didn't like my friends from the bus, but I wasn't going to stop talking to someone just to please someone else.

I stopped going to them in the mornings. I just went to my class instead, and it was boring. Now since the new semester started my classes were different. I had zoology with McKenzie for first hour, and drama with Krystal. Jackson wasn't in my lunch anymore, but he would text me all throughout fourth period. Cole was gone from the district, but no charges were pressed against him. Dave was mad at me because he thought I knew it was Jackson, and Cole who teepee his house since the day it happened, and I had lied to him. I couldn't prove I didn't know anything, so I let him hate me again. Life had gotten horrible. It would've been better if the world ended back in December like we thought it would, things would have been simpler. There were days when I couldn't even get out of bed. I had to force myself up, and even then I wasn't rested. My eyes hurt a lot.

The only people that really talked to me were Jackson, and Gil, everyone else was giving me the silent treatment. Talking to Gil wasn't too bad, over the last couple of weeks he had grown on me even more. Then the worst thing happened. One day while we were in French class we were talking, I looked at his face, and I noticed the dimples on his cheeks when he smiled, and the wrinkles by his eyes. My stomach was full of butterflies, and I was in love; or at least obsessed, which was similar to love. A feeling I believed to be love.

The first Monday of February Jackson and I were walking to the bus. It was a good thing that this little tradition of ours hadn't changed because it was one that I really enjoyed. Especially since it was still cold, and Jackson would hug me. We were walking when all of a sudden he pulled on my backpack, and I slipped a bit. To my luck he caught me, and helped me back up. He was laughing while his arm was still wrapped around my back. I looked into his eyes, and all I wanted to do was to pull him close, and kiss him. To have my first kiss with him, but I was too much of a coward to do so, instead I simply told him I hated him which made him smile even more. Then we were interrupted by one of Jackson's friends who I had never seen. They talked for a bit, and then Jackson decided to walk home with him. I was once more walking to the bus alone where not many people talked to me. There were even some kids that would glare at me when they saw me.

For the rest of the week Jackson didn't text me during class. I was worried that he was mad at me, or that maybe his friend made fun of him for what we were doing when he saw us, and that had pushed Jackson away from me. I didn't try to reach out to him because I was afraid to find the truth, to have him confront me, and tell me we could no longer be friends because he was being made fun of the same way I was.

The next week on Monday I was walking down the hallway on my way to zoology when I saw Adam, and Kyle walking. I stood unsure on what to do, then I kept walking because I needed to get to class. Kyle was the first one to see me, and he was a bit surprised too. When we got closer to each other they both nodded at me, but Kyle mouthed 'hi'. It made me sad to see how far we had gotten. At one point I considered the two of them to be my best friends, and now we weren't even capable of greeting each other in the hallways like normal people.

The day went on blurry. I only remember seeing Gil in class. His mouth moved, and I could tell he was telling me a story, but I couldn't bring myself to listen to it. Jackson still wasn't texting me so when school ended I looked for him in the hallway, and where he usually went to talk to his friends, but I wasn't lucky. I walked to the bus alone once more. This time I talked to Max while Xander, and Dave sat in the back. Things were good for literally one second before I ruined them. Was this how things were going to be when I came out? Were people going to be treating me like someone they should stay away from? The only thing I did was to tell the principal the name of the person who had pulled a knife to my friend, and shoved me to a locker. Sure I snitched, but Cole was a horrible person. What was going to happen when they actually saw me as a bad guy for being gay? Sometimes at night I would stay up late thinking about this, and just how much better things would be if I were dead.